Always Is Not Forever (Breaking Myself - Part II)

Bonus Chapter 6

I was aware of the sweat cloaking my body, aware of the compressed air around me, aware I needed to awake from this nightmare but nothing helped as I went deeper into it.

Blood.

Gun.

You killed him.

Drown in it, fed into the memories of her videos, darken your soul.

"Kabir!"

A jerk and I flew my eyes open, gasping. Blinking them rapidly, I scourged the room, ignored the brightened eyes and sought for the calm voice and her hand on my hair but all I felt was emptiness.

"Alina," I mumbled, sitting on the recliner, pacing my head back and forth. "Alina."

"Kabir." A hand rested on my shoulder. "You okay?"

No, I wasn't.

I needed to see Alina.

"Alina," I repeated again.

"Kabir," An unsure voice tried to calm me down but I shook my head, shrugged her hands off me and tried to control on my breathing. It was futile. I couldn't focus on my thoughts. I couldn't straighten them without the help of her voice. "Are you okay? Do you want me to get water?"

"Get me Alina!" I screamed, covering my ears with the hands, securing them from all the pain of the world.

"I cannot. We are in Dubai, Kabir. You fought with her. Kabir? Are you hearing me?" No, I wasn't and neither I was interested in hearing your scrappy voice. You didn't have that calm in your voice, you didn't have that smile, you weren't my Alina. "Kabir?"

A hand touched my knee, and I stood up quickly, shrugging it off. "Don't touch me. Don't come near me."

Deep breaths.

Star, take deep breaths. I am here. It was just a nightmare. You will be okay. It is terrifying but I am here.

Hearing the echo of her voice, I sat down on the recliner and followed her steps of breathing. Think about the moment closest to you, think about us and see how the difference between the real and imaginary world.

Hey, hey, your bookworm is here.

No, she wasn't here.

Snatching my phone from the table, I dialled her number but cut it, realising the tensions going between us. Do I even stand a chance of calling her after our silent fights? What happened to making her see I could function without her?

But how do I function without my girl?

"You okay?" Sanya's voice came again.

Nodding, I buried my fingers in my hair. "Leave me alone."

"You can come to bed. I don't think you will think me as Alina again."

"I don't want to," I gritted out, tapping my foot on the floor. I shouldn't have shared beds, should have been aware how I had this habit of tucking Alina in my arms, should have remembered my boundaries rather than falling asleep whilst talking to her, should have known how I broke the trust of my bookworm. "I don't share beds."

"But you do with Alina," She argued.

An anger spark and I burst out, "Because she is my wife. You are not my wife, Sanya. Please leave me alone. Right now, I need Alina, and you are not her, so please leave."

"I can help."

"Nobody can help me except her!" I screamed. "I will ask the manager about another room."