Always Is Not Forever (Breaking Myself - Part II)

7. Adyant's Life

"Mamma! Mamma!" With her name, I dashed inside the house and frowned my eyes at the silence of the house and the empty hall. She had promised to wait for me in the hallway, and broken it when I ventured in her room and found it empty of her presence. "Mamma! Food!"

"Adi," Her meek voice echoed from the bathroom. Arching my lips into a coy smile, I snuggled into her closet, tiptoed to the bathroom and parted the door with my palm. "What are you doing here?" She shouted, her eyes widened in surprise and anger. "Adi, leave!"

"Mamma," I cried at the sight of blood pouring down the edge of her arm, dripping on the floor and creating a small puddle.

"Leave!" She shouted, grabbed me by the shoulders and closed the door behind her.

"Mamma!" I thumped my fist on the door. "Mamma! Open the door!" She didn't reply but I heard the small cries cracking out of her throat.

And she never opened the door. No matter how much I begged, cried, shouted but the door remained shut until dad had come back from the office and ushered me out of the room.

That night, I encountered mom and dad fighting for the first time in my life because they didn't bother to close the door and I could hear dad blaming her for being this reckless when I was near, or cutting herself, or being a danger to her own children. That night for the first time I had fought dad to stand back from mom because he was shouting more than required and mom was crying and I couldn't see her hurt even if I understood nothing at the age of ten.

And that night was never spoken in the house.

I never knew what triggered mom to cut herself again.

But I knew she was missing from the house for a week, and when she came back, she had hugged me tightly and whispered to never repeat what I had seen that day. At last, she had explained the lines on her arms-her scarred skin.

As long as I have Adi, Kiara, Anya, Kiyan and your papa, I will be fine. Right, Adi?

Yes, mamma.

I had promised to never leave her side after that day, and till now, I had never thought I would apply this rule on anyone except my mother and sisters but as Hitakshi stepped out of the cabin, I flourished to her side.

Her teary eyes met mine, her hands shook in terror but there was a relief of something being taken off her shoulder.

"I am sorry," She gasped, slipped her arms around my back and tightened her hold to never let go of me. "You were going to be a dad."

I closed my eyes painfully to remove the sting of the hopes I had, wishes I wanted to share with her and the future I planned for both of us.

But her health comes first.

And I wouldn't sacrifice it.

"You need rest," I mumbled in her ear, smoothing the smooth straight hair with my knuckles but my stare halted at the scars peeking out of her white shirt. She didn't inflict pain on herself, Adyant. She wasn't your mom. "I asked bhua. She informed me about the precautions and everything." She nodded absently, her stare stuck on her shoes. "Are you happy?"

"I don't know," She expressed, dropped her head on my shoulder as I tried to decipher her feelings. How does a mother feel after getting an abortion? "It feels like a relief that I don't have a child to worry about, but at the same time, it feels I lost something." Gasping, she clutched her arms on my shoulders, working me as her shore. "Did I do a mistake?"

"I wasn't ready," I told the truth. "We are not ready." But no words escaped her mouth as she broke her grip from my body, tucked the strand of her hair behind her ear and gazed at her shoes. "Do you want to sit down?" She didn't reply. "I thought you were sure about this."