I'm NOT a faggot (UNDER EDITING)

- Chapter 14 -

Pov Jason
I walked Nate to the front door and watched him take his bike as he left my place. When I walked back in, mom was staring at me.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, fearing what she might say. Afraid that she might have seen what I thought she'd seen. I had a plan to tell her that I was bisexual and was afraid it might have really worked...

"Can you come over here please" she said and I started to get nervous. What if she didn't react well?
"What is this?"
She showed me my notebook which I laid on the table this morning. Mom was to curious to keep her hands of it, I knew it. But did she read the part I wanted her to read?
"A-a notebook" I answered.

"Come on Jason, you know what I mean" she said and opened it.
"Dear Jack? Love Jace? Why are you writing letters to your brother?"
"So it feels like he's still with us..." I whispered.
"Why do you hang the room full of pictures mom? It's all just the same"
"But there's another thing" she said and looked at me.
"Why didn't you just tell me about Nathan?"

"I-I didn't know how..." I said, scared. Scared of what she would say, do... I felt tears sting in my eyes. Normally I would never get this emotional...
"Hey, sssh, it's alright my boy..." mom whispered and hugged me. It took a while before I calmed down but mom was there all the way. She gave me my book and stared at me with a stern look.
"Make sure John doesn't find this. Ever. Understand?"

I nodded as I wiped away my tears and she sended me upstairs. I didn't know what to think about this... About her reaction... It was a good thing she protected me, right? I put my notebook back in the drawer and went downstairs. Mom acted like nothing happend while my face was still wet from the tears.
"Maybe you should wash your face before your dad asks questions" mom said and looked at me.
"He'll be home any minute now"

"O-okay..." I wisphered a bit hoarse. Max came running towards me and wiggled his tail.
"Not now bud..." I sighed and wiped with my hand through my face.
"I'll call you when dinner is ready" mom said and smiled sadly.
"T-thanks" I stuttered and went back upstairs.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so afraid of everything around me? Was this how Nate felt at school? Is this why he's so quiet and vulnerable? How could someone ever live with this? I sighed as I entered the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was a wreck but I didn't really care at the moment.

Instead of washing my face I sat down on the floor and took my phone. I pressed on Nathans number, making my phone call his. It didn't take long for him the answer.
"Jace? Everything alright?"
"I-I told my mom..." I whispered.
"Wait what?! You told her just now? Why didn't you let me stay?! I could've helped!" he exclaimed.

"No... You couldn't..." I sighed and stared at the ground.
"S-she reacted well, I-I think..."
"What about your dad?" he asked and I froze a bit.
"He can't know" I said quickly.
"H-he'll kill me Nathan... I-I can't tell him..."
"Won't your mom tell him anyway?"
"No"

It stayed quiet for a while. Just the sound of us breathing through the phone.
"Okay" Nate said in the end.
"And I've thought about a movie on my way home, I think I've got something"
"Cool" I said, glad that he changed the subject.
"Which one?"

"It's a suprise" he smiled and I rolled my eyes.
"Alright, I can't wait" I sighed.
"See you at school tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'll see you" he said and disconnected. I sighed and looked at the drawer in which my notebook was laying. I slowly opened the little cabin and took my book out.

Dear Jack

There's quite a lot going on in my mind right know. I told mom I'm bi. Well, I didn't really told told her but you know what I mean. She knows now and I know that I should be glad that she reacted so well to it but... It only made me fear John's reaction even more. Even mom says he can't know about this so what am I supposed to do? Hide myself for the rest of my life? Never date another guy ever again? I can't... I can't choose who I fall in love with but right now that's Nathan. I'm absolutely sure about that and I can already hear you fangirling all over the place... You always supported me and helped me get the girl or in this case boy. I really miss that... I really miss you... I hope this drama will be over soon.

Love
Jace

I sighed as I stared at the paper and a tear escaped my eye. My life was so much simpler when Jack was still around... That moment the front door slammed shut and I jumped up. Dad was home. I immediately put the book away and wiped the tear from my face. I took a deep breath and walked downstairs with Max.
"Is dinner almost ready? Otherwise I'm gonna take Max for a walk" I said as I walked inside the kitchen.

"No it's almost ready, you can go for a walk after dinner" mom said while cooking.
"Okay" I smiled and looked at dad who was still working on his pc. I sighed and petted Max.
"Looks like you need to wait for a while bud..."
I took out my phone and started texting Nathan.

-Is it okay if I stop by after dinner??
-Of course
-Something up?? Everything okay with your mom? She did react good, right??
-Yeah it's not like that
-I don't really know...
-I've got this feeling something really bad is about to happen
-And that I need to keep you close
-Ahah we're not even togheter and you're already overprotective ;p
-It's not like that!
-I swear
-Alright alright, we'll talk when you're here
-Yeah see ya soon <3
-Till a few minutes :)