A Second Chance

29

Listen to the song above

When I'm dreaming, yes I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you
(Proclaimers)

Harry notices it as soon as he enters
his room after attending classes the whole day. 

He's exhausted, drained and annoyed, utterly annoyed about lecturers who obviously believe that their subject is the only existing one and come up with ideas for additional papers every other day. 

For crying out loud he's got a life outside the liberary.
A real life that wasn't written on pages in dust covered books that are  lying long forgotten on upper shelves .

He wants to go out for little walks, go out for a pint, drive to the nearby coast or attend his yoga classes.

But first and foremost he wants to spend time with his gorgeous boyfriend even if it's just face-timing or their usual late-night calls.

Nothing seems to work out lately and he feels like he has lost control over his life, feels like others are planning out his time away and he can't do anything about it.

He starts to think of himself as just a small cog in a machine that never stops, never allows him to catch his breath.
A machine he considers as inhuman to a certain extent as there's no chance to slow down, no way out of the machine that keeps spinning round faster and faster.
It's ride or die and it's taking a toll on him.

They are  supposed to get best marks only and graduate in less than the required time to get decent jobs.

And what's making his dilemma even worse are those fellow students he needs to meet up for group homeworks who don't give a damn about it at all, don't bother to compromise when it comes to find a date to meet up. He's jolly well fed up with all of this.

On days like these he's questioning what he's doing, is no longer sure whether his ambitious aim is worth all the work, the all-nighters, the effort and time he has to put into studying. He isn't no longer sure that all of this will pay off one day.

On days like these he feels like drowning in an ocean of unfinished works that have been pilling up, finds it hard to get anything started because there is still so much work left so that one paper successfully wrapped up doesn't make any noticable difference.

His work's consuming his time, his energy and what is having the biggest impact most likely  - it's drawing out his emotions.

There are moments that he can't trust his own decisions, doubts that it was fair to tie someone to him, three years younger than himself when all he does lately is disappointing this person.

Again and again he's postponed face-timing and has cancelled their usual nightly calls as well.

Niall, he deserves so much better, deserves someone who'd give him their ful attention.
He's ashamed that he's such a bad boyfriend, torn between his studies and other commitments.

Niall should have a shoulder to lean on and not someone who's nothing but a burden.

When was the last time he got a grip on something. He feels as it was years ago...

  
He works so hard to live his dream one day, wants to become a lecturer for English and teach about the beauty of his mother language.

Young people should know that the  English language is so much more than they hear in bubble-gum songs or in series of minor value.

But never has he imagined his master studies being so strenuous, so very demanding.

And thus he's having second thoughts, keeps asking himself at what point his dream turned into a nightmare.