A Second Chance

37

Better Than Words

"I don't know about you, but I want to stay in while the weather is still so nasty, " Niall states sitting in front of the open fire place on the carpet, in one hand a cup filled with hot tea while Harry is laying on a plaid that he found in the guestroom.
His head is placed on Niall's lap and he lowly humms while gentle fingers are running through his unruly curls.

" I've been thinking a lot lately..." Harry speaks up suddenly.

" When did that even happen? " Niall can't help the teasing, his hands still running through dark hair.
"Hey, what is that supposed to mean?" Niall doesn't have to look at his older boyfriend to know that he's pouting, and his heart does a little flip at the thought of the adorable man that he is now able to call his boyfriend.

" I'm not that dumb, you know. I think once in a while ...." Harry replies going along with Niall's teasing.

"Sure ya do pet" Niall bends down and presses a quick kiss to Harry's forehead.
" Seriously, what have ya been thinking about? " Niall looks down at Harry expectantly, a soft smile on his face, sees Harry's head still lying on his lap a frown on his face while he seems struggling to find the right words to start with.

After a short moment Harry clears his throat and starts "I've been thinking about us .... no..don't look so scared love. I have been thinking about next year, you will start studying sound engineering in spring and I .. I'm honest with you.. I can't stand the idea of continuing a long distance relationship .. "
" Wait, what cha mean ?" Niall cuts in his voice high pitched and alerted while he feels cold shivers running up and down his spine.
" Are you.. are you...implying " he trails off unable to get them out the dreading words.

" Yes..." Harry says not aware of the turmoil in Niall's head that his word causes "I thought about moving from Cork to any place you will get in for your studies, babe. Is it too early... you say .. I don't want..."

Harry is caught off guard by Niall's emotional outburst, his tears that are streaming down reddened cheeks and dripping down on his face while he's choking with sobs.
For a brief moment Niall's fear of seperation gets the better of him, controls all his thinking and he's just losing it.

Quite frequently he's having this one nightmare that Harry breaks up with him for various reasons but all the dreams have in common that they leave him heartbroken and completely lost.

These dreams are the remains of his PTSD and quite normal, according to experts they show more or less that his subconscious is trying to come to terms with his trauma. No matter how   they are nevertheless effecting him.

Worried about Niall's heavy and unpredictable reaction he sits up and lifts gently his boyftriend's quivering chin with one hand while he swipes away the tears ever so gently that are still spilling out of the corner of his eyes.

" Niall, pet... did I say something wrong ? " he asks quietly his voice laced with concern. He can't fathom what he might has caused unintentionally with his words.
Seeing Niall so worked up and being a crying mess reminds him of the days he visited him in Dublin half a year ago and Harry suddenly looks so sad, his shoulders slumping and while his stomach sinks a bit twisting itself into knots with the knowledge that he has caused all this.

Harry looks lovingly into Niall's beautiful cerulean eyes that are full of tears and after a short while the sobbing dies down and Niall wraps his arms around Harry nestling his wet face to Harry's chest.
They are so close that Harry can still feel his shallow and accelerated breathing and the racing of his heart beat that is gradually slowing down.

A sigh escapes Niall's lips " I'm so stupid, sorry for scaring you ... I... I really assumed you wanted to break up with me."
Harry's eyes widen at that "How can you even think that,"he stammers helplessly feeling sick in his stomach.
" I love you Niall, I'm deeply in love with you.. " he nervously bites on his bottom lip as he's waiting for any reaction.