The lie that brought us together --Jerika Highschool

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I am trying a new writing style tell me how you like it. On to the story.

Erika woke up with Jake beside her. She mumbled quietly because she really couldn't move. As soon as she did that he shot up and make sure she was ok.

J: Are you alright. Do you need anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?

Erika just shook her head. It hurt to much for her to move or talk.

The doctor knocked on the door and slowly walked in. He handed Jake some paper work talking about all the medicine Erika would be put on and all the safety precautions he had to take to make sure she was safe.

The doctor asked Jake to leave the room to sign a few papers. As he was about to step out of the roomErika started crying and her heart monitor started beeping ferociously. The doctor ran back into the room and started pushing random buttons.

He pushed the help button on the side of the bed and 3 nurses ran into the room. One forcefully pushed Jake out of the room and shut the door.

The doctor told all the nurses that Erikas lung had collapsed again and that she needed to be put on a breathing tube. The doctor was prepping the tube when Erika started caughing. he knew he needed to put the tube in or she was going to die.

The doctor had some trouble placing the tube but successfully got it in. 2 minutes later the heart monitor...

Haha. Sorry for the cliffhanger. I had 15 minutes and that is all I could get. Tell me how you like this writing style. Its it better or worse that the other one?
Peace!!