I found you in April

Darkness into Light

"Jeez Kao you seem even more spaced out than usual. Are you alright?"

Watari's been there for me since we were kids but he doesn't know about my home life. He would probably leave me alone, walking away as he would look at me with disgust. I could not bare that.

"TSUBAKI! I THINK KAO NEEDS A LADY TALK!"

"W-W-W-W-WATARI!!!" Me and Tsubaki both exclaim.

"Kao are you okay? Something's eating away at you I can tell!" the softball star said as she flashed me her signature smile.

I'm trying so hard to hold it together. If they knew, they would leave me, no questions asked. I'd be all alone again. It has taken me so long to get the courage to talk to these two and in a few short seconds it could all come tumbling down and they would realise just how much of a waste of time I am.

Before I knew it I was being pulled into a group hug and I was crying. Tsubaki really does know me well. I'm so lucky to have her but I don't deserve her. I'm useless. These guys are the only thing keeping me here.

I feel so alone. These guys show me so much love but I feel like they're only doing it for the sake of it. I often lock myself away in the music room transcribing music, making arrangements and stuff like that. It calms me. But I still can't pick up a violin. I'm a failure.

I can't feel anything but I feel too much. I'm numb but I'm in excruciating pain. I want to die.

"Kaori?"

"Hm?"

"What are those marks on your arm?"

They're going to leave me. I shouldn't have worn the baggy jumper today. You're better off dead. Nobody wants you. Everyone hates you. You're worthless. You might as well go kill yourself already. Do the world a favor.

I broke down. 

"Kaori. What's going on? I'm here for you. Please tell me." a heartbroken Tsubaki said

"Kaori. Oh my god I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have joked. If you want me to leave I'll understand." Watari said looking concerned for his friend.

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So I told them. I told them the whole story. My dad. My violin. My mom. The cutting. Everything.

Never was I so scared in my life but I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

"You're staying with me for a while. I'm not letting you out of my sight" Tsubaki determinedly stated. "We can deal with your mom later"

I was so overcome with happiness. I cried again but these were tears of relief. My cries for help had been answered. Even if I only got a day away from my suffering it would be enough.

For the first time since my dad died I felt hopeful. Not extremely but hope is hope.

Me and Watari were neighbours but Tsubaki lived on the other side of town so I'd be out of my mother's reach and Tsubaki's family had never been anything but accepting and caring towards me.  However, I worried about what my mom would say or, perhaps even more frighteningly, do when she found out her punching bag wouldn't be home for the foreseeable future.

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"Tsubaki. Remember that thing I was telling you about. Why don't we bring Kao along?"

"Watari you genius!!"

"Kaori! A friend of mine has asked to meet Tsubaki on Saturday and I realllllly don't want to be a third wheel. Will you accompany me?"

"Oh I don't know Watari. I'm not really feeling it."

"He plays classical music! Pleaseeeeeeee. You guys could talk about instruments and music stuff that me and Tsubaki don't understand when the conversation lags!"

"Maybe. Something else could come up."

"Kaori. I'm your best friend. Since when does anything ever "come up" for you on the day before I'm asking you to save me from a very awkward situation?"

"Oh fine. This better be worth it."

With that, my best friends had successfully gotten me to come out of my shell even if it was only a tiny bit...

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