I found you in April

In that moment...

Kaori's POV

I almost fell asleep again during the performances before Kousei's. It was like I was subconsciously trying to get away from the music but every time I felt my eyes shutting I saw something that resembled a viscious bulldog more than Tsubaki looking in my direction. Even though Watari was nearly snoring in his seat, she seemed to only be focusing on me. Why? She was here to see Kousei after all. You would think all her attention would be on the stage. This thought continued to bother me for the day.

Ever since Aiza's performance, nobody had nearly gotten as much applause. It was easy to see why. I may not have been paying full attention to him but I couldn't help listening at the same time. It was like he was playing a different piano. He had a competitive aura surrounding him. He reminded me of Tsubaki in that sense. Who was he trying to prove himself to?

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This place pains me. No matter how much encouragement my friends gave me, this place still hurt. It reminds me of my dad. I miss him so much. I was never told how he died or what from. All I knew was one day he was here and the next he was gone. I think the reason my mother snapped completely was because she only had one person to abuse now. She couldn't have as much fun. He was the person who signed me up for my first violin recital. He watched me, competition after competition, beaming with pride. He was critical but never mean. Never cruel. Unlike her.

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"Kaori! Snap out of it." Tsubaki half whispered-half shouted.

"Sorry" I said absent-mindedly. I felt hot tears running down my face. I was close to breaking in that hall. Why was I even there? To please my friends? To make them feel better about themselves while feeling horrible myself? I mean, I didn't even know this Arima guy. I was irritated by the whole thing.

Tsubaki was smiling wider than I had ever seen her before. She was really into this guy. But were they really a good match? The broad, rough, sporty Tsubaki and the slim as a beanpole, gentle musician Kousei? Something bound to fail in my eyes. Then again, I'm a pessimist. Looking for the worst in ever scenario is kind of what I do. Maybe it would work between them. Honestly, I didn't really care.

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Before long, Arima Kousei, an amateur in the eyes of a lot of people, was called to the stage. At this point Watari was groggy but he was awake. I guess he woke out of fear more than anything. But Arima was also his friend. He had to support him. I, on the other hand, was about to get up and run out of the hall. I hated it. This place reeks of my dad. 

"Help me Dad. I don't know what to do. I'm lost without you!" I said to myself

Of course I got no answer. I should've known.

"Just survive the rest of the day. Just keep going."

I looked onto the stage and there he was. He was wearing a dark navy suit and those signature glasses. My cheeks suddenly went red. I couldn't control it!

But then...

"Elohim Essaim, Elohim Essaim, I implore you."

The exact same phrase I, and my father before me, used to use before our respective performances.

"Why?" I thought. "Why today? Here of all places? Using that phrase?"

The second he started playing, I was under his spell yet again. But this piece was different to the happy-go-lucky piece he was playing in the park. He was playing as someone who had been hurt but was recovering. He was vulnerable in his playing. I felt terrible.

In the park when I spilled my heart out to him, his response was "I know what that's like. I've been through it." Did I bring back painful memories? Has he had experiences in this place that haunt him like mine? 

Hpwever, as his playing continued, his performance evolved. He went from the sorrowful young boy to being a young man in love. He loved life itself but was there also someone? Was it Tsubaki? 

What is this feeling? It can't be? Could it be? I only met him today! Is this what being jealous feels like?! UGH I HATE MYSELF!

Why do I do this? I always ruin things for other people. I'm ruining the day for Tsubaki and Watari by being here. I'm ruining Kousei's performance by making him remember things that hurt him.

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As soon as the performance finished, I made my way to the main lobby of the hall politely but as soon as I was out the door of that horrible place I ran. I ran past the cherry blossoms, past the park, past my house.

I don't know how long I ran for. I wasn't keeping track of anything. How far I had went, how long I was gone or anything. Nothing mattered anymore.

I regretted even waking up today. Why did I have to meet him? Why couldn't Tsubaki and Watari have left me be. I should have never said anything to them. Why did I say it to Kousei of all people? I don't know him and he doesn't know me. He was probably waiting for the chance to get away from me.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE! JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY!" I screamed into the void.

Nobody was following me. Why would they? Nobody cared about me. Why would they? I'm useless. A curse. A waste of space.

I was gone for ages. I didn't see anybody. I had found a quiet part of town. I was on my own. I was still running. My eyes were like waterfalls that would not stop flowing. The term "Cry Me A River" became a reality. I was thinking of every little mistake I had made in my life. Why am I here? What is my purpose? I'm going to die on my own. I'll be all alone. I'll be at the bottom of a dark ocean where nobody will be able to find me. I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't stop.

Until I collapsed...

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A/N: The video is the final song from the last scene. I came across it randomly on Youtube and now I'm crying before I even start writing. The support I've received over the past day has been amazing and encouraged me to do even better! I hope you're enjoying the story <3

So, how did you find this chapter? I'm trying to keep you guys on your toes! Leave a comment letting me know what you guys think! Thanks for staying with me!  

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