I found you in April

Make it stop...

We were a week away from the competition. We were playing Love's Sorrow as Kousei had asked. Kaori would do anything to keep him happy. In his current state, I wanted to give him as much happiness as I could. He was carrying enough sorrow around as it is. I did not want to be adding to it. I had basically moved in with Kousei since he had came home. I knew his case just as well, if not better, than the person who knew it best. Hiroko Seto. Pretty much the woman he called mother.

At first, Hiroko had been wary about letting me stay but after taking my circumstances into consideration and seeing how happy I made Kousei, I guess she couldn't find it in her heart to turn me away. Me and Kousei were over the moon. We were so happy. We were not permitted to sleep in the same bed of course. Hiroko could be funny when she wanted to be but when it was time for things to get serious, she was well able to be that person too. "No sins shall be committed under this roof!" She exclaimed on my first night there. Both me and my boyfriend blushed furiously.

"Hiroko it's not like that!"

"Kousei, you are a guy. All guys are like that and I'm too young to be a grandmother!"

"You're so embarrassing!! Can we talk about this another time? Please?"

I felt kinda cheeky and I knew that Hiroko wouldn't kill me if I acted on this feeling. I kissed his cheek and flashed a smile at her. She could no longer keep a straight face and erupted into a fit of laughter. "I can't stay mad at you two forever. You guys are too kawaii!" She said as she ruffled Kousei's hair. "Just keep it civil. And Kaori, don't do anything I wouldn't do!" She winked at me.

"You don't know how glad having you here makes him." She whispered into my ear.

"He will never know how happy he makes me." I returned.

Hiroko gave her a hug and after this she left the room. She trusted them so she closed the door.

Kaori had her own bed but the two had more or less been given Hiroko's blessing so she climbed in beside Kousei and rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart thumping away in his chest. Thump thump. His heartbeat was getting faster. Was he nervous? I suppose this is the closest we've been since the first night. I felt safe as he wrapped his arms around me. Holding me there. The beating of his heart was like a lullaby.

**********

Kousei's POV

"Hey." 

"What's up?"

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I've got the girl I love by my side. I'm feeling better than I've ever felt." I responded.

"Are you in pain?"

"I forget my pain when you're here. You make me strong."

I felt my chest get wet. She was crying. Had I said the wrong thing?

"I'm here." I said as I held her close. She was shaking.

"I know. Baka. You make me feel strong! I was so close to just...to just..."

"But you are still here. By my side. You held on. We make each other want to live! I want to live for you Kaori and I will keep pushing for as long as I possibly can! I don't want to waste any of my time wallowing in self-pity. I want to spend every last second with you doing what I love with the one that I love.

Shortly after that, we were asleep.

**********

Tsubaki's POV

I was in a crappy motel outside of Tokyo. I had been ever since that night. The night I smashed HER head in. Why can't life be easy? I regret what I did. I'm so sorry for what I did. The guilt is eating me alive. I like him. I did from the second I laid my eyes on him. I had known him before the day you see. I had known him with about 5 years. I first saw him at a piano recitial when I was around 10 years old. I had tried so many times to get close to him but I always messed it up somehow.

I'm so confused! All I did was fall in love with a guy. I think they call this "unrequited love". I hate it. He doesn't like me back. So what? I should be able to move on. But I can't. It hurts. It hurts so much. I can't take it anymore. There are voices in my head. They won't shut up. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. They never stop. Why won't they stop? I was horrible. I deserve it. I can't stand them. I'm so jittery. Everything makes me anxious. I'm meant to be the outgoing one. So why is this happening? The voices, the stomach pains, the shortness of breath.

I can't do this anymore.

Make it stop...

**********

Kaori's POV

As I slept, I felt weird. I was dreaming, I knew that much. But this dream felt so surreal. Like the dream I had the first night with Kousei. Except, this one was different. It was like an alternate reality of sorts. I was the one who was sick and he was so depressed and lonely. It was like we had swapped places. We were not a couple in this reality. He was the one that had been dragged to meet me. I had grabbed his hand and pulled him to Towa Hall instead of him grabbing mine and pulling me. I had asked him to be my accompanist while abusing him instead of him asking me and us kissing. Everything was different. It was weird. I didn't like it. It scared me. Why was I being shown this? I was dying. Eventually, my legs stopped working. I underwent a big surgery but I died. Everything was flashing by so quickly.

"Make it stop!" I begged 

I was crying in my dream. I was doing the same when I woke up.

But he was there. For now. My shining star.

My angel.

Kousei Arima...

**********

A/N: Hey guys. I know it's been a few days since I posted but I was on the verge of burnout and if I continued, the gap may have been a lot longer. I hurt my back on Sunday so I haven't been able to do much but I did end up watching a lot of Youtube. Doki Doki Literature Club was what I spent most of my time watching. That kind of helped me get inspiration to write another Tsubaki part. She's a bit of a mixture of Yuri, Sayori and myself honestly. The whole unrequited love thing is definitely my experience coming through as I've had a lot of crushes but they've never been returned. Anyways, enough about that.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. They will be less frequent for the next while until I set in stone what I want to happen. Thank you guys for reading. <3