Soft | Lams

Chapitre Trente Sept

"Unimportant?" Alex asked. "Who the hell answers a question with 'unimportant'?" John shrugged.

"I don't know, probably someone who's answer is very important?" John suggested. He was, at Alexander's request, recounting the conversation him and Thomas had had the Friday before. It was Monday, before school, and Alex wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any trouble with Jefferson today.

"I wonder if you'd be able to suck it out of him?" Alex asked. John cringed.

"No," he said. "Never use that phrase again." Alex rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he said. "But seriously, I bet you could if you tried." John shrugged.

"Maybe I'll ask him when I accept his apology," John said, thinking out loud, but not thinking of what he was saying. Alex's head shot up at him.

"What?" He asked, absolutely appalled at this idea. "Why would you forgive him?"

John sighed. "Because people change, Alexander," John told him. Alex shook his head.

"Sure, forgive him, but only if you promise me one thing," Alex said. John nodded. "If he's still a jerk, then I get to say 'I told you so.'" John laughed.

"I think I can make that promise," he assured him, still chuckling. The bell was about to ring, so John pecked Alex on the forehead and left his classroom. He couldn't stop thinking about what the unimportant thing was. Clearly it was important, or else he would've just said it.

At the halfway point in the day, John got a visitor in the art room. But it wasn't Alexander.

"Did you reconsider accepting my apology, even though I almost insulted your boyfriend's weight?" Thomas asked hopefully.

"Yes, actually," John said. Thomas looked surprised, but grateful. "On one condition. What was the "unimportant" thing you mentioned Friday?" Thomas's eyes widened.

"Oh, okay," Thomas said trying to stay calm. "Can I email it to you tonight..? I just don't really want to say it out loud yet.." Thomas said. John furrowed his brows.

"Um, okay? That's fine, I guess," John said. "As long as you tell me." Thomas nodded.

"Okay, cool, I'll do that. Um, I have to go now. I'll email you," Thomas kept stuttering like that until he left the room. What on earth?

What on earth?

That was what John and Alex were both thinking when the read Jefferson's email on their date that Monday night.

Dear John,

I wasn't expecting to tell anybody this. Especially not the person who, throughout my life, I have treated the most horribly. But here we are, and I'm forcing myself to do this because you deserve answers, and I think it will help you forgive me if you hear the full story.

I was raised in a very conservative home. It was constantly drilled into my mind that homosexuals go to Hell. The Midwest was not a kind place for my developing beliefs, and with judgmental parents and siblings I was basically raised to be an asshole. Not only did my parents talk bad about people and things that didn't apply to us, but acted on things that did.

When I was eight they disowned my older sister.

From then on I told myself that being gay was wrong. It was disgusting, messed up, heathenish. The very idea of somebody liking somebody of the same gender was absolutely absurd to me. That is, until I got to college.

It was only a year in. My life was good, I had lots of new friends, and had a great girlfriend. Nothing could have gone wrong. That is, until I saw a man and thought, before even realizing it, that I considered him strikingly attractive. It didn't help that he had started hanging out with my friends and I. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't let myself end up like my sister, end up getting disowned and called 'The Fag' at every family gathering.

So I built walls. I let no one in. Anywhere I saw an opportunity to bring someone down, or build myself up, I took it. And any time I found something that I could bring the new friend down with I brought up. You can just imagine the hellhole I made his life when he came out. Can you guess who it was?

He moved schools. None of us ever saw him or heard from him again. I tried as hard as I possibly could to forget about him, to forget about guys in general. But I couldn't. I broke up with my girlfriend. In fact, I dated and broke up with lots of girls. Just trying to find one that I could say I loved, say I was attracted to.

I couldn't. I left college without a girlfriend, feeling like a dick, questioning my sexuality. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the confidence, didn't have the emotional stability, to be a teacher. So I went to France. My parents were wealthy, and it wasn't a bother. I expected to meet a beautiful girl in Paris and forget all of my relationship troubles. I didn't, though.

In fact, I simply fell hopelessly in love with another man. This time, however, I couldn't bring myself to build walls. I just adored him too much. His name was James. He was constantly sick, and one of the most affectionate people you would ever meet. He stuck by my side like glue, and was shy due to his constant state of illness. He was trusting, and hardworking. There was nothing about him I didn't adore.

We started dating. I got back on my feet, and decided to come back to America. James came home with me, on the blessing of his parents. I haven't told my parents yet. Hell, you're the first person who I've told that isn't a part of James's family.

So there you have it. The tragic backstory of Thomas Jefferson. He is gay, he has a boyfriend, and he wants you to know that if you even think of telling anyone you'll regret it. I'm sorry for how I once acted, and hope you can forgive me.

Sincerely, Thomas

Tonight was such a good night for our Linnamon roll, I feel like a proud parent