Why we broke up [Editing]

Setting hopes and burning them down

We were pretty good with avoiding the truth. We were pretty damn good.

One evening, while I was baby-sitting at my mom's friend's house, I got a text. It came from Luis, but back then, I didn't know any of it. I should have guessed faster because of the horrible grammar and mispelled errors. It said that you loved me. It was out of the blue, sure. But what if it was true? That's what I tought. I didn't know how to answer and I had to make sure it was really you. But it wasn't. It was only your friend messing with me. I was torned between deception and relief.

An afternoon, Aryn and you were texting, with my phone. It looked serious from my point of view and she kept it secret from me. So I went talking with Damien instead of torturing me with what the hell was so serious. When she finally appeared in the swimming pool, she spilled it out, quite easily. You loved me. That's what you were been telling her. It was a yes and it was a no. Because we didn't know each other pretty well. No enough yet.

Just before spring break, we went to the arena. None of Josh, Aryn, you or me were skating. Despite the fact that Aryn knew really well how to. And despite the fact that you were a hockey player, I guess it has its prompts. Like actually knowing how to skate, not like me. Just before leaving for the arena, I bumped into you - well, not litteraly- and your friends. Two of them. You were going upstairs, I was going down. They smiled at me, both of them. But when it came to you, my heart raced a little. That was all it took.

After having lunch, I -with no subtle at all- had offered to Josh, to join us, Aryn and I. Neither Aryn and Josh, nor you and I were having an official relashionship. We were somewhere between the two steps. I - at ninethy-nine percent- was sure that you would follow. That's what I wanted to. And I ended up right because you came with him and sat next to me. Well, still afar but you were there. And that was the only thing that mattered at that time. At first, it was akward and all, but little by little, while we were remembering all thoses lovely conversations we had had, it disapeared gradually. I had a great afternoon after all.

The day after, I was taking off for Florida, having time to rest and mostly to think. Figure things out. I knew my feelings were the same as yours. We had texted all week long and I finally decided to man-up.

We had talked about the stars, how we both loved them and how, while watching the same sky, being at two different places, it was like we were closer. And how the company FedEx sucked at not delivering all packages we never sent for each other. You shall know that love can't be sent. But whatever.

After confessing to Aryn, I was convicted to admit my feelings for you. I was sure that you loved me. You had already exposed to Laura and Aryn your true feelings toward me and they just told me, you know, girls being girls. On March forth, I had told you that I loved you. It took you long time to answer. Well, Aryn sent me the picture where you were asking for her advice.

The day right after, you were talking about being crazy in love.

I guess with us it was all or nothing. It was being madly in love or not being in love at all.