Why we broke up [Editing]

Bandaids don't fix bullet holes

You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done

You say sorry just for show

I felt stuck. 'Cause for one, I was too afraid to break up with you first due to all the times I broke up with my previous boyfriends. I even made one cry, twice.

And second, 'cause I thought that I loved you. I was holding on when I shouldn't have. But I didn't realised that in time.

You told me you felt less interested. I guess I did too, we fell into a kind of routine and god knows I hate repetitions. You also said you didn't think we could make it anymore.

And I felt lost, as if with your words, you pushed me out of your world. That without you I was lost.

I felt it, the changes coming to life in you. I felt you slowly leaving my side. I tried to look for the weakness but I was blindfolded by the thought of having to stand up for myself.

We both lost our interest in the relationship.

So then on February second, how lovely of you, you broke up with me. Again.
But on top of it, you claimed to do it for our sake. "Cause it would be better for the two of us". And that "it was the right thing to do".

Maybe that's when I lost it. I went Justin Timberlake on you, I cried you a river. But by then, you learned pretty well how to swim and as Alice in Wordeland, I drowned in my own tears. While you managed to get to the shore untouched.

You claimed that we dated for a while but it did not work out, so you broke things off, letting unsaid the "by accident" crap this time. 'Cause you probably realised by then it wasn't an accident at all. Then you said to me that we gave it another chance and it failed miserably.

" I don't love you anymore" is what you said.

That was the hardest thing I ever had to hear and I truly hope it was the hardest thing you ever had to say.

You said you wouldn't have to put up with our fights, or with me for all you cared.

And I completly agreed with you. I thought you were right. With letting go of vain things.

But I disagreed with letting go of you. And what it meant for me.

"I moved on" you said.

Right, 'cause you met another bitch.

But all I could manage to think was our greatest moments together. When you'd whisper that you loved me.

I think, no scratch that. I never cried this much.

I knew that you wouldn't come back this time. But I blamed it on myself, I thought I broke you too much.

Thruth is, you were like that from the beggining. What I tried to do, at first, was to fix you. But I forgot that you can not fix broken things, they have to fix themselves up. At the very best, you just end up cutting yourself.

And that's entirely true, I became the most wrecked after all.

You affirmed you wouldn't regret it like the first time. I didn't get to see your eyes, but I'm sure they were full of convictions.

I simply heard your voice and it was full of coldness and filled with detachment.

"If we had stayed together, we would continue to fight" you said.

"I'll get through it" you claimed.

Oh, but that's not what I was worried for. Trust me.

I found myself - and now bury me someone please - begging you.