Why we broke up [Editing]

Love got us

Like lovers.
After that we were counting the days that we wouldn't fight.
It's even more absurd than it sounds like.
Love got us like a messed up couple, indeed.
Who nevertheless still loved each other.
It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does.
Isn't it worth giving everything for. Isn't it worth falling.
Falling in love. Falling for each other. Falling apart.Falling back into pieces. Falling back together.
Love got us like two person who knew really well each other and which button to press to either please or hurt the other one.
At this point, it was messed up, but somehow still felt right to hold your hands and catch your breath.
And kiss you and miss you.
It still felt right to smile at you and laugh at your weird jokes.
It still felt right into your arms and between your dreams.
It still felt right in the morning or in the darkest nights. Between revealing secrets and whispering I love you.
And I'd hate to have or get to think it was all in my head. Because I know it wasn't.
Maybe it was the sweetness of the night and the bitterness of yours.
Love probably got us fucked up in the end.
You and your jealousy. Isn't it like a disease?
You were to the point where everyone was hitting on me. Henry. Samuel. Parker. Even Josh for God's sake.
You got to the point where you thought your best friend and I had once something going on.
We got to the point where whether we fought or not didn't matter anymore while we were too busy trying not to drown.
I swear we got to the breaking point. And perhaps past it.
I never believed that one day I'd told you to leave. But I told you to leave me alone.
And you'd say things maybe realistic but that I didn't need to hear. Like you didn't believe anymore in us. And if you were giving up we had no chance to stay afloat.
And part of me saw it coming.
But I didn't honestly believed we stood a chance to make it either.
I saw clearly where we were at. And we were slowly sinking.
You'd say you wouldn't make any more efforts but then change your mind and say you'd do anything.
I think love got us scarred and wrecked.
It got you mad and got me sad.
Isn't love supposed to be over everything? Or does it get to a point where it's okay to give up?
I knew back then that it couldn't stay like that. That it couldn't last.
I knew the way you felt and how it broke you. And your anxiety and your jealousy issues.
I knew I couldn't help you with any of these when I couldn't help myself.
When I was mostly the one who fucked it up.
Cause I did nothing to prevent the boys from acting like they liked or loved me. I did nothing to distance myself from them.
And 'cause I'm a stubborn person.
But I can blame myself all I want and you can blame me all you want. Like I can blame you for everything.
And in the end. We can blame the stars and tell ourselves that it wasn't meant to be. That it wasn't destined to happened but deep down we know that the stars were not at fault and it wasn't "meant to be". The fault was in ourselves.
So whatever, blame me. For all I care.
But we aren't further than where we started. It got us right back to the start, minus the developping romance. Perhaps it never made sense, but at that moment everything we once had was slowly dripping off our hands.
Of course we tried, perhaps not hard enough. But both you and I were fed up with this relationship, I must say. Going nowhere never interested either of us. We were just not ready yet to abanddon ship. We were just too afraid to aboart mission. And to come back to reality.
Of course we fought, perhaps not long enough. But both you and I got tired of fighting against each other. 'Cause that's what we ended up doing. Perhaps fighting against ourselves.
Although we argued, hugged, made-up for the stuff we said and did, it never seemed that much of a problem we couldn't easily get rid of. We both thought we could be stronger than this.
Love got us fooled, I must say.
Love got us blind.
Love got us like two idiots, desperately learning how to swim.
Love got us to ended up not even liking each other anymore.