Why we broke up [Editing]

Is this real love or is this just madness keeping us afloat

I tried so hard to let you go
But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole

Come on and rescue me

Our love is madness

You drove me crazy.

Perhaps we were far from the "crazy in love" Beyoncé had imagined. But when are things as we expected?

They say the greatest things happen unexpectedly because there were no expectation.

But as we grow up, we are taught how to expect things from society and I found myself expecting things from you too and I know you did so.

And when you look up on someone as much as we did, the disappointement is much bigger.

But then again, it is like trust, once it's broken it can never be patch up perfectly.

Perhaps we were broken, I don't even doubt it. Yes, we were broken as we tried to reassemble things up. But failed miserably.

The things you did were the turning point of our relationship, from the bedtime stories you'd read me to the denial of my presence when you were mad. From the bookmarks I gave you to the way you still used them even when we were no longer a couple to read the books I had lend you. But now they're probably gone, the bookmarks, gone with all of our love. You probably burned them or trash them. But I think, you just discard them with all the fuck you gave about us.

But once, you wrote a story, all with emoticons while telling the life of your characters. It was absolute none sense, but I laughed so much that day. In the moment I swore I loved you even more. But I don't know if that was even possible. But I think so, I highly doubt love can come to its highest point, where no more love can be given.

I hardly believe we reached that point, if there is any.

I never wondered but I should've had, if it was real love or just madness.

Now I know it was the latter.

Late night chats were the best discussion we ever had. We must have discussed it all. Usually it started at twelve am.There is something at night that urges you to tell your secrets and share you darkest thoughts.

"Baby we both know,

That the nights are mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day"

Said Arctic Monkeys.

We talked about marriage, again expectations, future and family. I wanted - still do?- two kids and you were considering two to three. But that wasn't the thing. The things was the names we liked. We liked the same names. We talked about vacations and places we wanted to be. Our hopes and dreams but never approached our fears. We discussed our classmates, from the meanest to the nicest people. We chatted about your hockey teammates and the games you lost. We talked about the way we both fought with our parents and how stupid was the fact that we had no car yet and could not visit one another as easily as we wished. We even talked about exes and bad relationship. To people who kind of hated me for no reason I could think of. Even the people you argued with because you despised them. I have to say you weren't very friendly and in my defense you were not very social, even with my friends. And we talked about that too, you said it wasn't your fault, but then again, you're good at putting the blame on others.

And those moments, I can affirm they were far from madness, maybe the things we contemplated was. But we did not care, we were young and as cliché as it sound, we had all the time in the world to do so. Those little talks were acts of love, it showed that you trusted me enough to talk about your trust issues. And your issues in general. Mine too though. If it was not real love, 'cause it never have been, it was an act of pure but mainstreamed love.

And despite all those greatness of love, those acts of love. It never occurred to me it could eventually lead to acts of war.

Because if we talked about a lot of stuff, we never got onto the real subject.

The one and only thing we never ever talked about was how you would break my heart.