Broken || A Genji x Reader

CHAPTER 8 - Rather Be Dead

                   

Honestly by far this is my favour chapter I've written so far. Also thank you so much to @tseuuu for making me cry because of their amazing comment.

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You tossed and turned in your bed – sleep would not overcome you no matter what you tried. Groggily you look at the time on the clock on your bedside table. 4:34 am. In about an hour they would come and collect you. You were ready to change – but this much, no. You were terrified, you felt just like the time they pulled that bag over your head and whisked you away. But it'd be just like always – you'd fight the fear and push through and not let silly insignificant human oddities get in the way. At this point you might as well be an alien – well, that's what you felt like at least. To tell the brutal honest truth you did not fit in, you we're not like the others – sure you shared some similarities but you were you...broken. The only reason why you had even stayed this long was because of your unsatisfied pit of revenge, or was there another reason now, an untold force keeping your actions at bay.

Despite pushing your skittishness down your heart still pounded and stomach churned and before you knew it there was a light tapping at your door. You get up quickly and open it to face Angela in her white lab coat and hair in a ponytail.

"Are you ready (Y/N)." She speaks quietly. You nod, your throat dry. You tread light-footed down the hallway to the medical ward, little is said between the two of you – silence is all that you require. The sun had not even risen yet but a few rays of gold spill over the ocean below. It was dark but light at the same time, it was calming just like your ever so familiar night sky.

She takes you into a small room with a changing room in the corner, medical sinks line the wall and there sits an observation window looking out to where you would remain for quite some time. "Here, get changed into this." She hands you a greyish-blue medical robe. You follow her orders and get changed into it. Your feet press against the cold floor, it sends shivers down your spine. She pushes open double doors and leads you into the spacious room. There is a single hospital bed in the middle where a large circular light sits over it. Machines and wires barely make the walls visible as their wires cascade down the wall like vines. Near the bed are trays full of electronics, wires and tubes. One thing that made you scared was that how much would she have to replace – how much more would be gone from you.

"Please, lie down." You prop yourself on the bed and rest your head. You feel cold and the hairs on your arms stand on end. She starts playing with the switches on the various machines.

"Angela." You call for her attention, your voice dry and stale. "I'll be alright, won't I?"

"Of course (Y/N)." She says sincerely though it's what a doctor would say to all their patients. You let out a heavy sigh as she moves over towards you. "There's no need to be nervous." She studies you.

"Angela, please. Be honest with me." She bites her lip in thought.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure how well it will go. But remember that I have done this before if that makes you feel any better." You stay silent. Memories go flashing through your mind of the last time you had surgery.

~Flashback~

"Get her down on the table." You struggle and squirm at the men who grip all over you. Oxygen is ejected from your lungs as your back hits a cold metal surface causing you to cough and sputter. Your screams for help are muffled by the foul-tasting cloth gag in your mouth. Tears stain your cheeks and make your vision like swimming underwater – your vision impaired. You feel leather straps pull tight around your body, so tight that you can feel the blood pulsating through your own veins. You struggle against them, your body practically convulsing itself. It didn't help to the fact that you had no idea what was happening. It was only a few weeks ago when it happened. When a delivery went wrong. You had just been doing a regular exchange for a gang when they decided that the technology you offered them wasn't enough. No, they wanted you to be the test dummy of this technology. Without a second thought they had pulled a bag over your head and swept you off your feet – kept you locked up for ages. Little did you know that you were about to go through the most painful experience perhaps ever on this Earth and be like this for the next three years of your life.

You see a blurry figure lean over you like a taunting ghost. "Hold her still." That's when it happened, when the first cut was made. You let out a gut wrenching wail as the scalpel cuts deep into the skin of your right leg. You feel blood trickle – no, almost flow like a waterfall out of the cut. You cry out helpless again as you bite down on the gag. You slip unconsciousness, the darkness surrounding you. "Don't worry, we won't let you die." You hear as you fall into the blackness. Right there and then –

You wished that you were dead.

~End Flashback~

You shoot up from the hospital bed landing poised on both feet and taking up a defensive stance, the memories taking over you. Startled, Angela takes a sudden step back. You pant heavily like a raging animal. She rushes to your side and gives your shoulder a small touch. You shy away from it lashing out at her. "Don't touch me." She tries to approach you once more trying to comfort you. "I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME!" You scream at her.

"(Y/N)?" The word merely a whisper of the wind.

You stare aimlessly at her. The way she gripped tightly onto the bed behind her, steadying herself. You break eye contact from her. "I'm sorry." You mutter to her then turn away pushing your way through the doors behind you.

The grains of sand move in between your toes as you curl up into a ball. You stare out at the rising sun taking in deep breaths trying to repress the reoccurring nightmare that was your reality. You move your knees closer to your chest. You sit there at a somewhat peaceful state as the sun begins to peak over the horizon. Your senses perk up as you hear the crunching of sand coming from behind.

"I thought Ninjas were meant to be stealthy." You say monotonously kicking the sand in front of you. No response. "Why are you here? Just leave already, I'm not worth the effort."

"I remember saying those exact same words many years ago. Angela told me that you were experiencing some troubles?" You briefly look up at Genji who is wearing his helmet the pleasant green glowing from his visor. "The sunrise is truly beautiful from here, isn't it?" You keep looking forward trying to consciously ignore the man. To the unknowing eye it was a truly beautiful but dystopian sight. A man who was mortally wounded by his own brother – doctors having to rebuild his body, while a troubled girl crouches on the sand in nothing but a hospital gown as they watch the sunrise together with an eerie silence between them.

The wind rustles through your hair gently. "(Y/N)." You glance to see Genji holding out his hand for you to take. "You are not an idiot so I will say this now. You know that if you do not get this done it will eventually kill you."

"Right now, I'd rather be dead." You frown emotionlessly.

"Isn't there anything worth living for." You fall silent and purse your lips together. He was right through, there was something to live for. You had to fight back, so nothing that happened to you would happen to anyone else, to avenge your parents – but was it all really worth it or just some built up stigma shrouding your fruitless mind. But what about for him, for Genji. For Genji? You question yourself. You don't know why he struck your mind at that thought. Maybe it was the fact that he was standing right next to you or maybe it was something different. "I don't know your story (Y/N), or why you are like you are. But if there is one thing that I know about you that you are the bravest person I have ever met. I know you will pull through just like I did. I too wanted death, but here I am."

You sigh giving into him. You reach out and take his hand. He pulls you effortlessly up. You could tell that behind his helmet he was smiling. Every time he did his visor got a little bit brighter. His hand lingered on yours for a second or two longer than expected. You both quickly break the contact. "Now come on, there is a talented doctor waiting for you who is going to make you feel better."

You enter back into the room, Angela perks up at your reappearance and approaches you – more carefully this time. "Are you – " Genji cuts the good doctor off.

"She is okay now."

"Very well." You lay down on the bed, this time the memories don't return. "Are you ready?" You nod shaking. "This gas will make you sleep, so take a deep breath, you don't have to be afraid this time." Clearly referring to your previous trauma. She puts a mask over your nose and mouth. Blackness starts to squeeze around the edges of your vision as it blurs in and out of focus. You hear you heart pounding in your ears. Blackness surrounds you as you slip unconscious but you are left with the gentle touch of a metal hand resting atop of yours.