Dirty Habit ¤ Meanie ✓

DH(136)

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*Wonwoo's*

I woke up to the beeping sound of the machine. My throat is dry, para bang ilang buwan akong hindi naka-inom ng tubig.

I fluttered my eyes open at bumungad sakin ang maputing kisame. Ibinaling ko amg aking ulo aa kaliwa, bintana kaagad ang nakita ko. Yung mga ibon na nasa puno.

Sunod kong nilingon yung nasa kanan ko. Walang katao-tao sa loob ng kwarto bukod sakin..

I closed my eyes one more time, regaining back my memories from yesterday night's event.

Kung paano masaya akong nagmumuni-muni sa bahay. At bigla nalang sumakit ang aking tiyan.

Yung baby..

My eyes dilated as the memories of yesterday's night came back, kung paano ako ibinuhat papunta sa stretcher at dinala sa hospital.

'The bearer or the baby?'

I remembered the doctor asked that question. It only means one thing...

I unconsciously placed my hand on my flat stomach. My eyes widened, I felt empty. Para bang may kulang sa pagkatao ko na alam kong hindi na mabubuo pa.

My heart began to race at a fast pace. Kinakabahan ako, pero pinipilit kong kumbinsihin ang sarili kong okay lang ang lahat. Na kasama ko pa rin ang anak namin ni Mingyu.

Nasan na sila? Nasan na siya?

Maya-maya lang ay biglang bumukas ang pintuan at iniluwa ang isang doctor kasama ang assistant nurse niya.

"You're awake" the doctor said.

I nodded in response at nahiga ng maayos, para maayos rin yung higa ng baby ko.

"Nurse Cha, please take over I'm going to inform the others" sabi ng doctor.

Tumango naman yung nurse. The doctor ran some inspection in my body. Afterwards, he excused himself before he went out of the room.

Ngayon kaming dalawa nalang nung nurse. Inaayos niya yung kumot ko sa aking nga paaa.

Bumalik yung doctor kaya kinuha ko na yung chance para itanong ang kalagayan nung anak ko.

Sana lang okay lang siya. Alam kong matibay ang baby ko eh.

"Doc, how's my baby? Okay lang po ba siya?" Tanong ko sa doctor.

He stared at me for a while. Before he ducked his head down. My forhead creased as I watched him in confusion.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jeon, but we couldn't save the baby. We had to choose between you and the baby. Your lover chose you instead of your offspring" sabi ng doctor.

Parang nabingi ako sa kaniyang sinabi. Hindi ko maintindihan. Wala akong may naintindihan..

Impossible.

"D-Doc! Wag ka ngang mag biro ng ganiyan haha! Nasan na ang mga camera? Hidden cam to diba?" I tried my best to convince myself that it isn't true.

Buhay pa ang baby ko. Nandito pa siya sa loob ko. We'll going to see him in four months. Please.

Natahimik ang buong kwarto. It means he's serious about this matter.

I stared at him in terror. Parang unti-unting gumuha ang kaharian ko. Napahawak ako sa aking tiyan, wala akong may maramdamang umbok o kung ano man.

I feel plain, I cannot feel the child on my womb.

"Doc please tell me it's a joke. Tell me it isn't true"pagmamakaawang sambit ko sa kaniya habang hinahawakan ang kaniyang braso.

Losing a loved one is the hardest part in love. Wala ng mas sasakit pa sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I placed my hand on my stomach and carressed it.

Masakit..sobrang sakit.

'Baby... ba't mo iniwan si mommy woo?'

Baby masakit na, bumalik ka na. Please wake me up from this nightmare oh lord.

Tell it was just all lies, tell me this us just a dream, a nightmare.

Tahimik na lumayo yung doctor habang hinahayaan akong umiyak.

Ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganitong sakit. I clutched my chest tightly. Hoping to ease the pain in my heart.

But the thought of my unborn child makes me want to break down even more...

I cried and cried, I did not waste any tears for nothing. My child who's just about to go out and explore the world was taken away from me.

Hindi ko ma-explain ang sakit. Parang hindi na ako buo, alam kong hinding-hindi na ako mabubuo dahil may kulan na.

The door flung open, revealing Seokmin and the others. They immdiately ran towards me and englufed me in a tight hug.

Dumapo ang aking paningin sa taong nakatayo sa di kalayuan. Nakatingin sakin ng diretso. Nakikita kong nangingilid na ang kaniyang mga luha.

I know.

Tears starts to flow down my cheeks. It was his decision. He chose me instead of our child.

Why?

"Why did you chose me?" I asked out of nowhere.

He could've picked our child. Okay ng mawala ako kesa sa batang hindi karapat dapat na mawala nh maaga. He needs to explore the world, he's supposed to go at school, having a life of his own, until he grow old together with his own family.

He could've lived if he was chosen.

I'm not blaming Mingyu... but I'm blaming myself. Hinayaan kong mawala siya. I'm useless. I'm not fit to be a parent nor a guardian.

I'm incomplete.

I weeped and cried my heart out. Hindi ko kaya yung sakit. Sobrang sakit.

Sorry... sorry Mingyu... sorry baby... it's my fault. Wala akong kwenta.