Love and War

im scared

y/ns POV 

i gave colby a hug and a kiss and then the doctor took me to the surgery room when i walked it i got goosebumps it was so cold and empty it felt like i was being held captive the walls seemed like they were closing in on me. i sat down on the table and the doctor hooked me up to a heart monitor and put a mask over my nose and mouth. as i breathed in the cold air the mask was putting off my eyes became heavy and i couldn't hold them open after fighting to stay awake my eye lids fell and i was left inside my own head asleep 

colbys POV

i was left alone with my thoughts that was never a good thing all my memories came flooding back sam what he did, y/n cutting, the cries, the screams, more crying all of them rushed back into my mind. i was enclosed by silence the only noise being heard was my heartbeat echoing throughout the empty hospital room my mind raced as i tried to stay out of my own head.

i pulled out my phone and went into snap chat looking at myself through the filters i stopped on one and just stared at myself. i tried not to but it happened i got lost in my thoughts i had no since of time or place in my thoughts. i replayed the scenes over and over again. it started at y/n cutting to me catching sams lifeless body it played over and over again each time harder keep the tears in.

 i noticed the more it replayed that i didnt try to save sam at all i just watched maybe he needed me to tell him it was ok. im his best friend anyways maybe i could have saved him and her from all this hurt. the scenes stopped and all my thoughts could conjure up in this moment my mind was blank was what would happen to y/n in surgery is she gonna be ok, will she die during surgery, what is she never wakes up, what if they cant fix her, what if... thats all that wen through my mind i was thinking about all the worst things that could happen. then my mind changed again i was now worried about sam what if he doesnt survive, will he ever be the same, is he alive, did they stabilize him, is he hurt?? my mind raced i thought about us being friends and how depressed i would be if i lost both of them or if i hadnt met either of them. i couldnt pull myself to think positively i could only think negatively 

i dug my fingernails into my palms and squeezed my eyes shut trying to stop my thinking process but i couldnt. i started to cry as my mind continued to remind me of my worst fear... being alone and my depression getting to me. my mind created this image in my head of both y/n and sam dying the same day and me having no control over it. my mind showed them dying, then me crying over them, and becoming depressed, more crying, isolation from the world, being lonely having no one to comfort me, and finally i snap. i saw myself cut my arms till there was blood coating them then i cut my legs and my stomach and then i grabbed a pill bottle and overdosed. why was my mind doing this showing me my own death and the death of my friends? was it a sign or a warning or was it just me over reacting and then over thinking 

either way im scared 

wazzzzz  uuppppp myyyyyy boiiiis how yalls doin this was an emotional chapter for me and colby both i hope you enjoyed it i know another 1-2 chapters and then ill go back to sam but for now im focused on colby 

word count: 666 words 

¨