Love and War

5:07

colbys POV

i was in shock complete shock. i didnt even notice i had tears running down my cheeks. i stared off into the distance out of the window positioned exactly right across from me above the other couch. they all hugged me. her mom, Natalia, and Cassidy. but it didnt help. we all pulled away and wiped the tears. y/n wouldnt want us crying over her being gone. but she was our everything shes all me and her mom had and for those girls, she met the day before. they needed her now too. she saved them and thats why they are alive right now because of that amazing wonderful girl that did such a horrible thing to herself.

They come out the room. her body on a stretcher inside a yellow bag strapped down. there she was. the love of my life sitting in a body bag... dead. she was gone and there was no getting her back EVER!

they took that stretcher to the ambulance as we all rushed out behind them to find out more information

¨do you have any details¨ ms.y/l/n asked

¨cause of death. cutting vertically causing her to go collapse, get dizzy then she fell and hit her head knocking her out. she then continued to bleed which ultimately was the cause of death. we have marked the time of death as 5:07 exactly 5 minutes before we arrived.

¨i-i-im the-the reason s-she's gone. i-i slept o-on-n the couch after a-a-all the stu-ff that happene-d-d i-i shouldn't have m-made her slee-ep alon-ne. it was quie-et so she was pro-bably overthinking. i got mad and told her it-it was her fault sam was de-dead even-even thou-ough it was his ow-n choice. i could have done somethi-i-ing¨ i blurt out stumbling over my works while choking back my tears. but they kept spilling over anyways. i was heartbroken, my heart had been shattered into a million pieces. it could never be fixed, she was gone. 

they drove away with her and I just sat there and cried the world around me was quiet. everything was drowned out except for my feelings. they were still there. the pain, the guilt, and the sadness. they were raging. the pain of my broken heart, the guilt of me being why she's gone and the sadness of my love being gone forever.  I sat there for what felt like hours. but was only minutes. I was taken back to the world by a warm embrace. it was Natalia. she was hugging me as tight as the could. and I stopped crying and hugged back most likely crushing her ribs from how tight I was hugging her. 

¨ïm sorry shes gone¨ natalia whispered into my ear. sending shivers down my spine from her warm breath. this sensation reminded me of Y/N when she would do the same thing. but this was different it wasn't sexual at all it was comforting. 

¨its my fault shes gone.¨ natalia released herself from the hug and looked me in the eyes. 

¨no, its not your fault. she did this to herself.¨ i nod and stand up. i look around at the no longer hectic world around me. its peaceful again. well, everywhere except for this house. we were all sad about y/n being gone. she was really my everything and i don't know what to do without her. 

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shes been gone for 2 days now and its been so hard. her mom cooks for the girls and me but i never eat anything she makes. i havent showered because all ive done is sit on her bed, cuddle her pillow and cry. i even spray her perfume every once and a while so i can remember her smell. 

i shouldnt have gotten mad, i should of told her it was her fault, i shouldnt have slept on the couch and i should have waited till she was asleep to go to bed. me making these careless mistakes took her innocent life away. 

she should be here, laughing, smiling, breathing, and her heart should be beating. 

 i never got to say good bye. 

i never got to say one last i love you. 

and i never got to give her one last kiss.

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word count: 729