Suicidal ✽ Jamilton ✔

~ Chapter 3 ~

( I put two songs because they both fit in with this chapter)

  ✽~ Alexander's POV ~✽  

I cut my wrist deeper and more intense than ever. I also cut more than I have ever at once. I screamed in pain,

Loud.

So very loud it hurt but I deserve it. For being such a wimp. I heard Jefferson walking around outside my door and I put my razor in my bag and threw it across the room but I was dumb enough now to zip it and it fell out.

Shit.

I try to get up to get it but fail. I'm too numb and shakey.

I was still scared so I was still sitting but Jefferson burst into the room and I scream when I hear more thunder. I blush, embarrassed because in front of Jefferson I like him but-

WAIT WHAT DID I JUST SAY HE IS A JERK.

I was waiting for his insult when it did not come out of his mouth. He just sat down on my bed next to me and rubbed my back. He spotted the razor and gasped. "Hamilton, why?" he said still rubbing my back but looking at my wrists. "I-I you would not understand," I say tearing up "Try me." He replied.

"Promise not to tell a soul? My friends already know but do not tell anyone e-else."

"Deal."

"Well, when I was ten years old my father split from my family full of whatever 'bullshit' we were doing to him which was nothing. He cheated on my-" I cleared my voice and continued. "He cheated on my m-mother and then two years later my mother dies from a sickness we both had. I couldn't seem to die. I wrote my way out. Moved in with a cousin, my cousin committed suicide left me with nothing but ruined pride something new inside. A voice was saying 'Alex you gotta fend for yourself' so I started retreating and reading every book on the shelf. Um. When I was Seventeen a hurricane hit my town. I couldn't seem to die. I wrote my way out. And this reminds me of the hurricane every thunderstorm does. So I c-cut. I cut for other reasons too but I am just sorry for letting you see me like this." I finish realizing I was sobbing.

"Alex, I am so sorry."
"Alex? You went from 'Hamilton' to 'Alex' you went from bullying to being nice. what is going on?!"

"Alex! I am very sorry but I know its hard and I am so sorry for being mean to you. Heck I was causing you to cut, wasn't I?" He said

"Y-yes"

"I knew it now I am going to lay down with you tonight to comfort you whether you like it or not or whether it's weird or not. Not like that or anything but j-just to help you out and comfort you"

I love him. I really do. 

There is another lightning strike and I scream and he comforts me more.

I cuddle up to him and he strokes my hair.

Do I like him though? He was my bully but he is so cute and nice now. He has not been that mean anymore. UGH, feelings I just want to throw them onto the floor than beat them up and drown them and throw them into a volcano.

Eventually, I fall asleep blushing.

✽

~Word Count: 576~