it's like i am so full i am empty. and when they come up to me for a small talk i find my tongue tied up. they're probably tired of my smile already. it's like the night makes everything numb but at the same time painfully clear, like all these blurry moments are jagged at the edges. anxiety carpets my thoughts and i have become used to the glass shards beneath my bare feet. it's not like it hurts that much. i don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that you get used to the shadows. happiness is a fleeting lover and pain is an old friend who keeps on contacting you. i just don't know what to do when no one is watching. the music they play is unfamiliar in my ears but i pretend i know the words. no one knows who i am anyway so i might as well just seem.
— three eleven.
25.3.18
