i feel scattered, like pieces of me are scuttling around like autumn leaves; i have been too occupied with what my eyes perceive, that i have forgotten to listen to my heart, to enrich my dreams.
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the night is impatient as she always is during this time of the year but i don't want her to arrive yet. my thoughts are stones that weigh me down and sometimes it feels too heavy to look up, be a good person. but i seek ways to illuminate my days; i try to find a light inside me. mimic the universe and expand my mind. as i harness oxygen from trees, i remind myself to day thank you; my hands cradle the sunset and i do my best to not let it spill through my fingers. when the wind kisses my cheeks i feel gravity slackening.
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and music: it carries the sun across the sky, blooms inside the fluorescent-lit room. it brings a softness to my eyes - the kind that makes you look different. happier, more radient. i looked into the mirror one evening and recognised the young girl i had once been, and whom i had sought these past months. mind brimming with balloons that lift me up, i found myself again.
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look with the heart; make a home out of golden moments. i push pointless quarrels and jealousy and resentment out of the house. they hammer on the door, ring the doorbell but i have my hands over my ears. i ignore them as i taste my first cup of cider, walk past the boy whose hands wield the violin like no one other in the hallway, but sometimes they break windows and i have to fight them using teeth. i close my eyes and they disappear.
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for so long i have been filling myself up with things that are not intrinsic, and it takes time to clean out the space inside me. but day by day i shed another layer of the shield masking my true self. i listen more to my heart and tuck compliments under my tongue. one day i will smile easily and my eyes will always carry light: i will collect the broken shards of me and one day i will be able to see without seeing.
