Tell Me Why (A Jayy Von Monroe FanFic; BoTDF)

Chapter 19; "I Didn't Mean To Make You Cry."

I hid in my room again at the farthest point away from the door that I could get to on my bed. I leaned into the corner of the room where the walls met.

But I wasn't crying, wasn't even upset. I was used to this. I just sat there apathetically, waiting for it all to end.

The door opened and I gently patted my bed. "It's okay honey, come here." Axel hopped onto my bed and hugged me real tight. I kissed his cheek. "Axel... Come on, it's alright." Tears streamed down his cheeks and he buried himself into me.

"Hang on." I got up and closed the door, then sat back down next to him and patted my lap. He crawled into it and hid his face again.

"It'll be over soon," I said gently, trying to drive a little emotion into my voice without actually having to feel any.

I knew if I started to feel any emotion at all, I'd feel all the pain from what was going on outside my door.

And I just couldn't do that. Not again. "Never again..." I muttered under my breath.

"Fuck you!" My mom screamed. "Get the fuck out of here! Now!!!" There was a loud crash and I covered Axel's ears.

There was another loud crash. "You think you're so fucking tough bitch?! Come at me!" Ronnie yelled.

"You drunk fucking cunt!"

Mom screamed loudly. Not yelling, an actual scream.

"Stay here babe," I said, uncovering Axel's ears.

I went in my closet and got out my stuffed bear. It wasn't a teddy bear, it was actually shaped like a bear cub, it was even on all fours. Axel loved him right away and decided his name was Jake, or Jakey, as he called him.

"Here, take Jake. He'll protect you."

"But he's a baby!" Axel protested quietly, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

"Yeah, but if he gets scared, his Mommy'll know and she'll come to protect him. Then she'll see how scare you are and she'll protect you too," I told him quickly. Come on Axel, come on, I need to get out of here...

"Ok-kay..." Axel said, hugging Jake tight to his chest.

I ran out just in time to see Ronnie punch Mom in the jaw.

I grabbed her and pulled her off of Mom, punching her in the face and throwing her to the ground. I kicked her once, twice, three times for good measure.

"You bitch!" Mom yelled at me.

"What are you fucking talking about?! She just hit you!"

Mom smacked me across the face. "Don't you ever talk to me like that again!"

"You fucking deserve it! This bitch-"

"Your step-mom!"

"Yes, my wonderful fucking step-mom. Spends all day sitting on your computer and on that couch-" I pointed at it, "watching your cable and getting drunk until you get home from work and then what does she do?! Oh right, she plays nice for twenty fucking minutes then picks a fight over some stupid little thing just so she can smack you around! Why wouldn't I love her?" I ended sarcastically.

"Shut your mouth!"

"And why does Mommy dearest stay with this hellhound of a woman? Oh right, because she makes a good fuck right next to your five years old son's room! How many more times is that kid gonna sit there crying in my room because of this?! How many more times am I gonna be putting him on the bus in the morning while you're at the first of two jobs that you have to work to support that fucking bitch?! And how many more God-damned times is he gonna out of the blue ask me why he heard a monster in Mommy's room last night making scary sounds?! Maybe because she's fucking sleeping with one! This is fucking bullshit and you know it!" The entire time I moved close and closer to her face until I was finally screaming almost deafeningly an inch from her.

Her eyes watered. "Oh yeah, you don't give a fucking shit if I know what you do, but doesn't it kill to know your sweet little boy hears it too?!" She went in her room and slammed the door. "I hate you!" she screamed at the top of her lungs through her tears. I could hear them in her voice.

I scoffed at her. "And don't I know it," I growled. "By the way, your kid, you know, your actual kid, he's in my room. I don't want to go back in there right now and make him see the monster who's yelling at Mommy, so go talk to him when you're done wondering why you had to choose me when you could've had any of the other little girls. When you could've had anyone else. I on the other hand, am going out. Tell him I love him, not that you will."

>***_/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\_***<

"Hunter? Hunter, wake up. Sweetheart, you need to just wake up." My arm was being shaken.

I flinched and Jayy hugged me, pulling me against his chest. "There you go baby."

Realizing it was Jayy, I nestled myself into the warmth of his neck and tried to relax and make myself stop crying. Wait... I was crying in my sleep? Oh fuck, he's gonna ask me why and he is not gonna take nothing as an answer.

"Atta girl, calm down, calm down. Tt's just me, alright?" I nodded softly. "What were you dreaming about angel?"

"N-Nothing."

He sighed. "Now we both know that that isn't going to work."

"I know..." I muttered quietly.

"So c'mon, tell me what's wrong. I mean, after all, it was only a dream. What could be so bad that you don't wanna tell me? Or are all of your bad dreams so horrible that I can't possibly take the mental scarring that they cause?" I cocked my eyebrow at him. "You had another bad dream our first night on the bus, on our way to the first show and you wouldn't tell me anything about that one either."

I sighed. "Okay, I'll tell you what that one was if you leave this alone."

"That only makes me more curious."

"Well too bad. Deal or not?"

He shook his head. "You've already recovered from that dream."

"Well this one's something I don't think you'd like."

"I'll risk it."

"I really don't think you should," I said, looking down and running a hand through my hair.

"I'll take my chances. Hunter, please, just tell me."

I shook my head. "It's fine, just don't worry about it."

"You screamed in your sleep Hunter."

"Yeah well I'm awake now."

"You said "Mom"... a few times."

"So? She was there, so what?"

"You said someone was hurting her!" He growled in frustration. "Hunter, I want to know what's going on. If it was just a dream, then you've got nothing to worry about! And if it wasn't... Well then I think I have a right to know what my girlfriend is going through."

"But I'm not going through it, I'm out of there."

"Not forever. And obviously it's still affecting you if you're having nightmares about it."

I looked down fearfully. We'd joked about me moving in, but I'd forgotten that it wasn't set in stone. We never talked to Mom about it. Matter of fact, Jayy and I had never even truly talked about it, just joked about it in passing. One day, after this tour I'd be going back to that house.

The house that I'd left.

The house I'd left Axel in. He was at camp so I'd forgotten to make sure he'd be safe when he returned. He'd be back in that house soon, all alone with them. And I'd taken Jake; packed him with the rest of my stuffed animals.

My eyes watered thinking of my poor little brother.

Jayy sighed. "Hunter, you know I'll let you live with us, you know Dahvie won't mind. I just want you to tell me what's wrong. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

I shook my head and laid down, hiding my face in his pillow for a minute. I forced my emotions down, hiding them under a thick, strong shield of apathy.

When I sat back up, the tears were gone from my eyes, blinked away, and my emotions were safely tucked away.

I only wished I'd taught Axel that trick.