Tell Me Why (A Jayy Von Monroe FanFic; BoTDF)

Chapter 29; "You're...?"

I got my stuff together, putting it into the suitcases I'd brought after we'd gone to get... Axel. God it hurt to say that name, to know what punishment he'd gotten for my actions. It surely wasn't a slow death, knowing Ronnie, and the time he'd spent with her beforehand must've been intolerable. Death had likely been a relief.

But I didn't want to dwell on the idea that Axel might've spent his last moments in that mindset.

Jayy walked into the bunk hall, interrupting my thoughts. "You're...?"

"Jayy, why wouldn't I be? It would kill us to sleep in the same bed now."

He sighed and dropped his head defeatedly. "I guess," he mumbled softly. "Where you sleepin'?"

"Couch, floor, wherever I happen to end up when I pass out. I'll figure it out. I can fall asleep anywhere."

He sighed. "Be safe Hunter... Maybe Dahvie's room?"

"I'm not gonna steal his floor or his bed." Jayy gave me a pained look, it seemed to really hurt him to worry right now, on top of everything. "Well... Maybe you're right about being safe..."

He nodded. "I'll talk to Dahvie." Jayy's voice was a soft, broken monotone.

"Alright."

Jayy disappeared for a few seconds, then returned. "He said okay."

"Thanks..." I said awkwardly. "And, uh... I'm sorry about this whole thing..."

He shook his head, sadness leaking into his eyes. I felt horrible. After all, it was both of our faults I'd come with him, not just his. Sure he held this happiness I shouldn't've had access to in front of me, but I went for it. And neither of us was wrong. He saw a girl who was sad and, knowing he could make it better, held out his hand to her. And I, scared, vulnerable, and looking possible salvation in the face, took that helping hand.

I knew it wasn't all his fault, but I'd already cut the ties. I couldn't turn around on it now. That wasn't fair to him either. He deserved to move on, however long it took. I gently rested my hand on Jayy's shoulder and his eyes watered. "Please Hunter... Just... Just come back, put your stuff down, and let's talk about this, okay? I can give you more space, let you breathe. I can, I 'will' okay baby?"

"Jayy..." I closed my eyes. This was my last chance to take back the man I was in love with. N-No, I promised myself I wouldn't. "Jayy, no. I'm sorry, but... No. I just can't."

"I love you."

"I know Jayy. And I'm sorry, I love you too, but I just can't anymore. It's just too much. I'm so sorry." I hugged him.

"But..."

"I'm sorry Jayy..." He swallowed, tears threatening to overflow. "I should get my stuff into Dahvie's room."

Jayy gave me a defeated look, part of him still pleading with me with his gaze. But he let his eyes drop and nodded and I went to Dahvie's room.

"Dahv?"

"Eh?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, your room too now." I walked into the room, amazed at the size after being used to a bunk. "I still think you should reconsider."

"Dahvie please..."

"I'll leave it alone for now, I know it stings for you too, but... I worry about you guys. About you, if you change your mind too late and he's moved on. And him... because he never might." He sighed. "Poor kid." He walked over and put both arms around me. "Trust me, I know it hurts on both ends. But it is worse for him..."

"I know it is." I wiped at my eyes, which threatened tears. "I don't deserve to be crying right now, but... I love him. I still love him Dahvie." I put my arms around his neck and squeezed him tighter.

"It's alright, I know I know. You can cry as much as you need to angel. I've got you. I'm right here."

"God you sound like him."

"Sorry. But it will be okay. Everything'll work itself out."