Tell Me Why (A Jayy Von Monroe FanFic; BoTDF)

Chapter 23; " "

Jayy, Dahvie, and Aussie wanted to calm me down, make me relax.

All I wanted was to speak right.

Eventually, I got my wish, which made them think they got theirs. I sighed and looked down, glad to have speech control again.

"It's okay... It was just a bad dream. Horrible really."

"I saw what happened the last time you had a bad dream Hunter. And I think I know what it was about. Now I'm begging you here, just tell me about your nightmare so I can expect what's going to happen."

I shook my head. "It couldn't happen. And... yes my last bad dream was about Danny and what happened."

He nodded and almost bluntly pulled from the subject of Danny. "How do you know it couldn't?"

"It had the fantasy element... And... He's dead."

"Axel?"

"Yeah..." I said softly. "I'm gonna head to bed." He cocked a questioning eyebrow. "Alone..." I said, my voice barely more than a gentle whisper.

He looked down sadly and nodded. They let me go, the other two shocked that I wanted to spend a minute apart from Jayy. I really hadn't since we got close in the aftermath of the Danny incident.

I trotted up to Jayy's room, got what little stuff I'd put in there, and moved it back to "my" room.

I curled up in a ball, cried, screamed into my pillow. But I didn't sleep again. Maybe I was afraid to have another dream, maybe just too stressed and in pain. I didn't know.

Aussie opened my door to check on me when he went in. He probably told Dahvie how bad I seemed, because Dahv came in before he went to bed too. "Poor thing." He'd said before hugging me and kissing my forehead.

But Jayy never came. When I went down the next morning at 6AM long after I'd given up on the prospect of sleep, he wasn't on the couch, so I knew he'd passed the room to get to his. I could make a solid bet he'd heard me.

He just didn't come.

But I had to understand why he didn't come to the room, after all, if I wanted to be held and kissed and cuddled, I would've gone in his room.

At least that's what I told myself. I could say that was what I told myself to make me feel better, but I suppose that would be a lie, because it didn't make me feel better. Matter of fact, when it came down to it, it made me feel worse.

It meant I couldn't blame him or be mad at him for not coming in and trying to convince me to let him cuddle me with his sweet words and a promise that it would "only be for a few minutes". I wasn't allowed to be mad, but I was allowed to be hurt.

And I took advantage of that.

I didn't show it when the others were around, but it stuck in my head and my mind refused to let it go, both that it happened, or rather, 'didn't', and that it was my fault.

When I next saw Jayy, the thought returned once again that it was time to just give all this up, this fantasy, this dream I was living out, or trying to.

That time though, I couldn't just cry it out and seem totally normal. That wouldn't seem normal this time. At least not in my mind.

So I didn't. I just kind of stewed in it, which made the feeling just a million times worse.

I couldn't kiss Jayy that day, couldn't hug him or cuddle, or really anything. I could barely look at him without almost bursting into tears.

Yeah, I knew I couldn't avoid this feeling forever like I was.

But I was damn sure going to try.

>***_A/N_***<

Just so you guys know, the title was intentional. It was kind of to show how little they communicated in this chapter, but it was specifically in reference to Jayy's response to her saying she wanted to sleep without him.

>***_End Of A/N_***<