A TIME TO HEAL

CHAPTER FOUR

DURING LUNCH break, I sat in my chair stuffing my face with cookies. I looked up just in time to see Kelvin heading my way, and I discretely straightened my shirt and folded my hands on my protruding tummy. I silently prayed not to have any proof of cookies on my face.

"I came to drag you out for lunch," he said as he got closer to my desk.

"Oh! I don't usually go out for lunch, I just snack at my desk."

"Isn't that boring? Don't you want to mingle with the staff?"

"Not really. They are mostly bunch of bullies and I can't stand Gwyneth's eyes trailing over me or taking note of everything I put into my mouth."

"They don't seem that bad, but I wouldn't know since I'm not in your position."

My heart fluttered at that. I loved that he didn't think I was making things up. "Thanks, and I'm fine here." I really was. The only thing that could take me to the cafeteria was a chocolate fountain and as far as I knew, there was none available there.

"Okay, then. Can I get you anything? Soda?"

"Water, maybe," I answered since Kelvin looked like he wanted to help by all means.

He walked towards the coffee room and I unwrapped another packet of cookies to nimble on. Kelvin came back holding a bottle of water and he extended it to me. I passed him the tray of cookies and he picked a piece while I gulped down water. I thanked him for the water and he smiled, his face breaking as his lips parted to show creamy white teeth. I could imagine my head having a halo of hearts surrounding it, because I was falling hopelessly in love with his smile.

Kelvin turned his back to leave and I unconsciously threw the bottle of water in the bin. I actually hardly ever drank water; it wasn't my thing. It was too boring for me, no zing, no rush, nothing! I preferred the sugar kick from soda, ice cream or other sugary beverages. I'd told him I wanted water so he could leave me alone.

It was so easy for him to mingle. Firstly, he was a fine ass man, tall and dark, his face was both warm and cold. Secondly, he didn't look like someone that could be bullied or crossed. He didn't even look like someone with insecurities and he surely had no extra fat embarrassing him. I could bet my salary that the girls were all crushing on him already, and sitting with him in a cafeteria was going to give me the kind of attention I'd been trying to avoid.

The girls in the office would obviously think I was into him, and the ones who weren't part of Gwyneth's mean group would take me as a competition. Kelvin would be too busy to notice any of this, of course. My office hours would even become more intolerable. Our rides to work and back home was enough for me.

I knew one of the girls would become fast friends with him soon. If that friendship blossomed into something more, we would become strangers. Whoever it was wouldn't want him associating himself with me.

The thought terrified me, but I was certain that no matter where the wind blew I would survive. There was nothing cookies and ice cream wouldn't solve in the long run. I had faced worse once and learnt to adapt. At the very least, food wouldn't turn on me. That thought lifted my mood and I grinned openly as I worked on my computer.
By closing hour, I yawned and packed my things into my bag. I decided to take the stairs, thinking the little exercise would burn off the cookies I ate earlier. It wouldn't make much difference since I was about one hundred pounds overweight. I persevered and got to the parking lot panting and heaving. My heart felt like it was going to rip out of my ribcage as it raced like a wild horse.

Leaning on the wall for few minutes helped slowed my breathing before I resumed the walk towards my car. I turned round a corner in the car park and noticed Kelvin talking to Gwyneth. They were smiling and looking into each other's eyes. No wonder he wasn't in his office when I went to look for him before taking the killer stairs. I walked past them silently and got into my car as jealousy ate at my core.

I put my head on the steering wheel and took a deep breath then counted to hundred. I was on my count to sixty when I heard the passenger door open, I looked up to see Kelvin get in. He smiled at me but I didn't return it. I turned on the engine and drove out of the parking lot.

Half way towards our destination, I heard him say, "What's up?"

I wanted to ignore him, but I was done with the silence so I snapped and said, "What's up? You were talking to Gwyneth, and I told you how she bullies me. You guys were so into each other you didn't see me walk past. Are they trying to recruit you?" The words came tumbling out of my mouth with so much venom.

"Hold on. You mean Gwyneth? That's the person you were talking about?"

"Yes, that's Gwyneth. Your new found love."

"Okay, wait," Kelvin said. "I think I'm missing something here. What's happening between you and Gwyneth, and why is my talking to her making you mad at me? I just saw her by your desk some days ago."

I shrugged, admitting to myself that I actually didn't tell him enough details on what was happening. Not thoroughly at least, I only mentioned it in passing. I opened my mouth to apologize and tell him exactly how evil she was, instead I heard myself say, "Whatever, I'm sure you'll join them in bullying me soon. You're on your way there anyway." I took a deep breath to keep myself from saying more, I already said too much.

"I'm lost, make me understand what's happening."

I could read the confusion written evidently on his face. "Why should I? Piece things together yourself," I finished.

I couldn't explain what got over me. I just knew I was acting like a bitch and was on my way to ruining the only friend I had in the office or anywhere else for that matter. I knew I was only jealous; I could at least admit that part to myself. It felt like I knew for a fact that he would never look at me the way I say him look at Gwyneth, and it hurt so badly that I wanted to crumble on the floor and cry.

That wasn't the only time I had seen him and Gwyneth conversing, and I realized that I'd already grown too attached to him. I was acting like he was mine and mine alone, we barely even knew each other. I bit my lips as I drove, trying to think of how to turn the situation around. Kelvin sat by my side silently with his face looking out of the passenger window, I could feel the six inches wall I just shoved between us.

I dropped him off at his place, and he walked out of the car without saying goodbye. I bit my lips hard as he closed the car door silently, the fact that he didn't bang the door made me feel worse. I rolled down the window and tried to call out to him but he opened the gate and went in without a backward glance. I angrily shoved my hair into a bun when the breeze blew tightly coiled strands to my face. I pressed a button and the window rolled up. I bit my nails as I contemplated following him in and knocking on his door to resolve the misunderstanding, but I shook my head and decided against it. We would talk the following morning.