A TIME TO HEAL

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I TOLD Kelvin all that happened at the hospital when he called to tell me he was back from the trip. He asked for the appointment date so he could be there with me to lend his moral support. The Monday that followed, I went to pick Kelvin up from the house as usual but Alex came out with him.

"Hey, Alex. How was your trip?" I asked nicely. I got out of the car to hug her because Kelvin was with her.

"Superb. I wish you came with us." She was beaming.

"I had things to do. There will be a next time, you can count on that." I leaned on the car and hoped we would soon be on our way to work.

"Definitely, especially now that Kelvin proposed."

"What?!" I asked, forgetting to hide my shock.

Alex must have thought I was excited for her because she squealed and hugged me. I returned the hug and looked over at Kelvin, he looked away when our eyes met.

"Can you believe it? I was totally caught off guard too. I'm sure you knew about it."

Oh, that explained why she thought I must be excited. "I really didn't. Congrats, dear. You'll make a good wife."

"I should let you guys go, we'll talk about it some other time." Alex skipped over to kiss Kelvin.

"Aren't you going into the office today?" I asked Alex after she was done doing things to Kelvin's mouth. She wasn't wearing a professional attire, she had on jeans and a top that was falling off one shoulder.

"Not today. I'm going to see a plaintiff later so I won't be going into the office."

"Have a nice day," I said.

"You too."

Kelvin and I got into the car as Alex went into their apartment.

"Engaged, huh?" I said before starting the car.

"Thanks to you. You told me to get my shit together and I totally did."

"Yea," I said, losing interest in the conversation I started.

I bit my lips in frustration as I drove. This had taught me a valuable lesson. I was going to stop meddling in their relationship and most definitely stop giving any kind of advises since it was apparently not working in my favor. I really did not care how that seemed.

I urgently needed to get my shit together. I needed to find my happiness as he had already gotten his while I was wasting precious time thinking about him. I drove roughly into the car park when we arrived at work and Kelvin looked at me in amazement.

"Sharpening your driving skills, I see." He smiled.

"Not funny."

"What has got your panties so twisted?"

"Nothing really."

As he tried to unlock the door I touched his shoulder, he looked over at me with questions in his eyes and I sighed. "Do you love her?" I asked boldly without beating about the bush.

"Who?"

"Alex, silly," I answered in exasperation.

"Yea, why do you ask?"

"I just wanted you to be sure. Marriage isn't all fun and jokes. As your best friend, I wanted to make sure you're certain about your decision. Not to mention you've not known her for that long, how can you be sure so soon?" My inner goddess laughed at my silly excuse for caring. Bravo, babe, she taunted.

"I'm sure, I appreciate you asking though. You don't have to worry, I've got this, relax. Is that all?"

"Yea."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Have a good day."

He leaned over to peck me and I was tempted to take my face away from his lips. Alex didn't look like someone that'll condone the pecks or our friendship for that matter after their marriage. Kelvin left the car and went to the office while I took my time to settle my shattered heart in the car. I finally took the elevator and arrived at the office, I went to my desk and didn't bother turning on my computer.

My mind was churning. Why did he have to propose so soon? Most importantly, why was I concerned? Could I really be in love with him or was it just hero worshipping? He'd been there for me when I needed him the most so it was easy to confuse things. I liked him very much, yes. I hated that he was with Alex and I hated that he was sealing their fate with a marriage, yes. I was a mess, double yes. For Kelvin? Another yes!

Seye, one of the people Kelvin introduced me to the other day at the cafeteria visited my desk during lunch break.
"Hey," I said when she entered my cubicle.

"What's up? I've not seen you in the cafeteria in a while." She sat on the chair Kelvin brought over from one of the empty cubicle, I never got around to returning it to its rightful position.

"Are you watching out for me?" I asked.

"If I wasn't I wouldn't have noticed your absence," she said.

"That's so nice, thank you. I've been busy, I'm always very busy at this end so I eat at my desk."

"That's why I never see you in the cafeteria."

"Do you want something?" I asked politely.

"I really don't. I just wanted to know how you're doing."

"I'm great, thanks for asking. How are you doing?"

"You don't have to be so polite. How are you holding up?"

"Holding up? From what? I don't quite follow your line of questioning. Care to explain?" I asked leaning forward in my chair. I could have missed something she said.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"Talk about what?"

"Kelvin's engagement, I know you guys were seeing each other."

"He told you that?"

"He didn't have to say. Anyone with an eye could see you guys had something going on."

"We're friends, nothing more. He has a girlfriend, I mean fiancé."

"I know. I can't understand why he would propose to anyone that wasn't you."

I gave her a startling look. "What are you saying?" I asked in puzzlement. "We never dated, we don't have anything going on between us and thanks for your concern but it's wasted on me."

"Well, I assumed you guys were seeing each other. I didn't even know he had some girlfriend. I mean, he was always talking about you so it wasn't hard to come to that conclusion."

"He does have a girlfriend and you should be congratulating her now that she's his fiancé."

"I congratulated him and that's enough. You do have the hots for him though, don't you?"

"I do not. What's wrong with you? This conversation is over." I bit down on my lips, I was getting annoyed by her meddling.

Seye didn't seem to take offense by my reaction, instead she crossed her legs and continued, "Men can be so stupid, don't you think? I mean, you're right there in front of him and he chose another person." I didn't reply and she took that as an agreement. "I'm just so grateful I'm attracted to only women. We could go out if you like, to clubs and bars. I'm sure you'll meet someone."

She did look like someone who went out a lot not like there was a certain look, I could just tell. "I'd rather not, not now at least."

"It's a good thing you don't have feelings for him, it would have sucked if you did."

"I mean, yea."

"But you do, don't you?"

"It's only a silly crush," I finally admitted.

"We could kidnap him on his wedding day if you want."

I laughed at her silly suggestion. "That won't be necessary."

"Here, take my number." She picked a pen from my mug and wrote her number on the back of a novel she saw lying on my desk. "I know all the cool hangout spots around. We could go somewhere when you're feeling down or bored."

"Yea, thanks." I studied the number she scrawled.

"Did I ever tell you that you're beautiful?"

"I think you have once. Thanks, but I don't swing that way."

"Damn, babe. I was only complimenting you not asking you out on a date. I don't want to fuck you."

"Oh." That hurt my feelings. Even she didn't find me desirable. "We could be friends though. I'd love that very much." I took comfort in the fact that I wasn't interested in girls anyway.

"I would too. See you when I see you." She patted my back and walked out of my cubicle.

Seye didn't walk like Gwyneth, she had a slight bounce to her step that was oddly sensual. I turned my chair to the low table behind my desk and picked a pencil. I labeled the sheet, indicating A.C and D.C along with other components of the new schematic I was working on. Kelvin came by my desk after work and saw me with my head still crouched over the paper. He was holding a tiny wrapped package with him.

"I forgot to give it to you earlier. It's an artifact I got at the trip for you."

"Thanks," I said. I turned my chair back to my desk and took the gift.

"You're welcome. I will be joining Alex this evening so you can leave without me."

"Okay."

"She wants us to visit some place I don't know about yet."

I didn't need an explanation, they could have all the fun in the world. I just needed a way to cope with their upgraded relationship. "Oh, okay. Have fun." Yes, have fun.

"Sure will," Kelvin said.

I returned to my work after Kelvin left. I made sure I stayed late at the office so I could be too tired to think of anything when I got home. Unfortunately, I cried myself to sleep that night and the nights that followed as I stared at the artifact that I placed on the bedside drawer with my parents' picture.

I cried for my losses. I cried for the loss of my parents and the loss of the memories I had of them as years passed. I cried for Kelvin's gain of a fiancé to grow old with. I cried for a relationship I could never have. I cried for two different kinds of love lost to the wills of the universe. And I cried some more, for nothing really important but the frustration I felt towards myself for wearing my heart on my sleeve.