A TIME TO HEAL

CHAPTER SIX

Trigger Warning: The content and discussion in this chapter deals with Eating Disorders which might be triggering. Much of it will be emotionally and intellectually challenging to engage with. Read at your own discretion. ⚠⚠

WORK BECAME more stressful than usual because I stopped eating. I stuck to water and that only, and when I succumbed to snack on something, I rushed to the bathroom to puke. That was the new routine; eat and puke or just avoid food altogether. It was either water or nothing.

During lunch breaks, Kelvin was constantly at my desk asking if I needed anything, and I always replied that I ate before he came. By the following week, I was getting so weary and tired. On some days, I could barely get out of bed. My face was looking gaunt and lifeless, but I tried to cover the bags under my eyes with concealers and setting powder. Wearing makeup was never a priority to me, but now I relied on it daily.

One day, as I was driving back home from work with Kelvin by my side, he asked me if I was okay. I mumbled something and he didn't ask again. I knew I shouldn't be starving myself, but I was scared to eat or gain even a pound. I noticed I was losing a little bit of weight around my tummy region so that strengthened my resolve to avoid food. In one week I'd dropped a whopping one kg when I checked on the bathroom scale. If I could continue and persevere, I would look like the average person.

As I was combing my hair one morning, several strands of hair pulled with each stroke of the comb. I paused for a minute, baffled by the unexpected shedding. Usually, I got some amount of hair in my brush after combing, but this was way more than usual. Not even double the usual amount but triple. I bunched the strands in my palm and decided to deep condition my hair the following week.

I took out my tablet and went on Google to check if starvation caused hair loss. I was a compulsive fact checker, and I wanted to make sure my recent eating habit had nothing to do with my hair loss. I was so disappointed when I found out it was one of the side effects. At that instant, I was tempted to go to the kitchen to find something to eat. I loved my hair, it was my crown and a part of who I was. I didn't want to lose it.

I got rid of sentiment and decided that I'd rather be bald than overweight. I reasoned that losing few strands of hair was better than being overweight and unpresentable. I went to the car and drove straight to the office. Kelvin had called earlier to say he was going to work with his girlfriend, so I didn't bother to stop at his apartment.

"HOW SHOULD we spend the weekend?" Kelvin asked on Friday as he settled behind the wheel of my car. I'd asked him to drive, I was too tired to do anything. I could barely move myself into the car.

"I always order pizza on Saturday, and I binge watch some series I missed during the week."

I didn't tell him I'd stopped eating pizza or anything for the past few weeks. It wasn't something I was willing to divulge yet. He wouldn't understand anyway; he wasn't the one who recently missed the opportunity to present a major project. I settled comfortably into the seat and closed my eyes because keeping them open was proving to be a chore.

"That's cool. I'm not patient enough to watch a series, but if there's pizza, I can try. I really can't sit still for so long and I'm more of an outdoor person."

"You're speeding, dude," I said when I jerked in my seat as he took off, racing out of the parking lot.

I opened my eyes to see the speedometer reading 70Km/hr. Kelvin reduced the speed considerably and I went back to closing my eyes.

"So should I come around tomorrow or would you come to mine?"

"If you want to, my place preferably." The lesser human interaction I had, the better for me.