I was really excited for spring break, but now I'm really wishing school would be back in session... I have been bored out of my mind so far... Jkj;gljaekwaj;
Anyways, I should catch everyone up. The last week or so has been pretty much uneventful. I've been coming down from all the college stuff so I haven't been doing so much. I think the coolest thing is I've gotten congratulated by a lot of people for getting accepted to art school. I didn't honestly think people would care so much... I sure as hell never thought anyone liked my art that much.
It has been a bit stressful lately, though. I've pretty much accepted that Mom doesn't trust me and that I really don't have her to rely on anymore. The person I tell everything to is now just another person in my life... I don't feel comfortable telling my friends a lot of things because I'm scared they'll think I'm weird and then leave... There's just some things I don't feel like talking about, even to my mom... I always think my thoughts are wrong, even if other people experience the same things mentally...
Another shitty thing is the day I got on break we found out my grandma was manic, AGAIN. Perfect timing... She's been up me and Mom's asses about every fucking thing and she's driving us crazy. I'm sorry I'm an inconvenience when I'm trying to get a drink from the fridge we all fucking share. She's gotten petty about it twice. I'm sorry the kitchen is a shared space, psycho. I'm not spending a fucking hour in there, anyway. I'm in and out in a minute or so. She's also been really possessive of Mom. I think she's actually jealous of me and Mom hanging out... SO MUCH FUN.
But that's been the extent of my break so far. Mom and I aren't really allowed to leave the house right now and I've been bored out of my fucking mind. She is really making me mad again... That is REALLY not good. It is really bad if I get upset. Luckily I haven't felt the overwhelming urge to punch something, but it's still building in my mind...
So yeah. My week has been fucking great... Except everything but that. Easter was just like any other day, to be honest. I don't really do holidays anymore. Christmas is the only day I actually do anything on, and even that was kinda sucky this year... I keep telling myself it's just because I'm getting older... but I just think it's because my family is pretty much non-existent. That really takes the kick out of holidays... I don't really feel like I have any family at this point... The word has literally no meaning to me anymore... Not that it ever really did...
If you can't already tell, my depression has kicked back up. I really don't do good when I'm stuck in my house... I need something to do, and I want to hang with my friends... A lot of them don't usually hang out with me outside of school, though. The one person I want to hang with is someone who probably can't hang out with me right now... At least I can say that I had a good few weeks or so... That's more than I've been able to say in a long while... Maybe when I get back to school I'll feel better...
It doesn't help that my birthday is this month... I've got about... 24 to 25 days till my birthday. This is the big one, though. All my friends say it doesn't feel different, but I know it'll really weigh on me... I'm not quite ready to be an adult and to be responsible for myself, but I don't really have a choice in the matter...
I feel like drawing on myself, but I don't feel like hiding my arms. I tend to write dark shit on my arms, so I'd have to keep my arms covered until I wash it off. I don't feel like covering my arms with the up and down temperature. I'd probably get too warm.
If I can't even handle 10 days of being off from school, the summer is going to be hell for me if I don't find something to do. I hope something interesting will happen soon. I don't like being bored. My thoughts wander too much.
YOU ARE READING
Senior Year
Non-FictionThe fourth and final year of high school, and a continuation of the "Years" books.
