I Like You Better In Red {DEH}

Everything About You Is So Terrible

"You're happy today." Jared noted as Evan ran over to him on the pavement to walk to school with a wide smile "Of course I am! I'm finally friends with Connor Murphy and I get to go to school and see him again!" Evan squeaked. Jared rolled his eyes while he began to walk "Psh, you haven't been this excited to go to school since that one reading all day thi—"
"DEAR!" Evan interrupted. "Huh?" Jared raised an eyebrow and looked at Evan like he was crazy. "DEAR. Drop Everything And Read. That was great, you got to wear like pajamas and bring blankets and pillows and stuffies an—"
"Did you just say stuffies?"
"Shut up. But like you got to bring all those things and just read for the majority of the day. We'd have class for maybe half an hour and then we just read for the rest of that day. And sometimes teachers would have snacks like cookies or they'd have hot chocolate, it was the best! Why wouldn't I be exited for DEAR?"
"High school's trash for not having DEAR."
"Right?! Sorry, that was too,, much,
umPH. Wasn't it? I'msorryI'msorry"
"Ev, it's fine."
"Nononono, it'snot" Jared groaned and rolled his eyes "Stop that, it's annoying." Evan flinched and looked down.

Jared was right. It's annoying when you stutter.
It's annoying when you cry for no reason.
It's annoying when you talk too fast.
It's annoying when you go 'umumumumum'.
It's annoying when you tremble.
It's annoying when you sweat from nerves.
It's annoying when you black out during presentations.
It's annoying when you stress vomit.
It's annoying when you spend nights tossing and turning instead of sleeping.
It's annoying when you accidentally starve yourself because you can't bare to eat in front of others.
It's annoying when you coward behind people in public.
You're annoying.

The fact you're still breathing is a nuisance.

Evan refused to talk for the rest of the walk. If Jared spoke to him he just shrugged, nodded, or shook his head.

You're voice is annoying too. It's way too high pitched, you should try lower it, Connor's gay, he'd probably be more interested in dating you if you were less feminine. You're already not too feminine but you could do some work. Cut your hair, it's almost at the top of your earlobe. Clear the acne off you're skin, that's gross, Connor won't like you if you're gross. You're face is too soft and feminine, do exercise for you're jaw to make you're jawline more defined and masculine. You're too short, that adds to the girly affect. You can rest you're forehead on Connor's chest without crouching down, you're too short. Buy those things you put in your shoes to make you taller. Change yourself to actually look like a male, a boy, a man. Because Connor's gay and if you keep up this feminine crap, you'll never be able to date him. Change everything, because if you want to date Connor, you've gotta make yourself someone he's gonna want to date. If you care about this, you'll try to improve until you're sobbing.

~~~

Come lunch time, Evan hadn't seen Connor once. He shuffled around the lunch room with his head down before finding Jared and sitting next to him "Hey Jared. Um, h-have, have you seen Connor recently? He's not at school today, I texted him in the bathroom and he's not responding." Jared looked over "Why the hell would I know?" Evan flinched "I-I-I—"
"You what? Spit it out already. Jesus Christ." Jared scoffed and rolled his eyes. Evan looked down "I, I don't know, I'm sorry." He scrambled to his feet and ran out of the lunch room with his head down, locking himself in a single stall bathroom before slamming his head on the wall.

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid." He started crying and pulling his hair before sliding down the wall. "Jared hates you, Connor probably hates you, but you actually thought you had a chance. You thought you had a chance to have friends. You thought it had a chance to be with Connor. Stupid stupid stupid stupid." His voice cracked several times while he sobbed.

Evan shakily stood up and looked in the mirror. "You know, if you really think about it, on top of being too girly, you're also not skinny enough. You could stand to lose weight." He turned to see himself at different angles in the school mirror "Yeah, losing weight would also make you appear more appealing, you should trying it."

Evan spent the rest of lunch looking in the mirror, finding flaws on himself and being determined to fix them. He could almost hear some voice in the back of his head.

'Everything about you is so terrible'

a/n: hi, i'm sorry, i swear i'll stop doing so many author's notes. but thank you for liking and commenting. when i was still writing cringey band fan fictions *gag* i never thought i could get people to like the content i write, let alone want to comment on it. i know it's not a lot, but i'm a really mushy person, so thanks for the support, really, it helps me want to keep writing through hard times.