I Like You Better In Red {DEH}

Broken

tw: abuse, mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts

"You're joking Nolan, you have to be joking."
"When have I ever been the kinda person to joke about this?!" Evan flinched at Nolan's raised voice. He was right though. He never joked about this kinda stuff. "Did—Did you find a note?" Nolan didn't answer Evan's question for a long time.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

"Yes, I did."
"C-Can you read it to me?"
"No, hell, fucking, no. You can come get it but there's no way I'm reading my brother's suicide note out loud" His voice cracked. Yeah, that was a bit of a selfish thing for Evan to ask. No, a really selfish thing. You're a worthless piece of shit Evan. Stop, get back on topic of the situation.

"I'll come get it now."
"Okay, I'll leave it in the mailbox, bye." Nolan hung up before Evan could say anything. It left a familiar feeling of loneliness in the pit of Evan's stomach. He looked behind him, Connor was still asleep. Okay, Evan had to wake him up now, otherwise when he woke up and couldn't find Evan in the house, he'd probably think he ran away or killed himself.

Evan flipped over to be face Connor and smiled softly, trying to ignore the news he was just told so he wouldn't break down. He softly pecked Connor's lips and watch him stir and groan before waking up. "Morning love." Evan shivered slightly. He loved Connor's morning voice. Besides the point. "Morning Con, I'm going for a walk. I wanted to tell you so you didn't like, freak out."
"Okay, stay safe" Evan nodded and stood up. He put his shoes on before quickly running downstairs.

He didn't leave the house immediately but instead walked into the kitchen and looked on the fridge. Held up by a magnet, was a picture of Evan and Jared. They were in seventh grade. Evan had braces and Jared's glasses were large and dorky to say the least. Evan took the the picture off the fridge and stared at it. He swallowed hard and watched a few tears hit the picture and the floor. "I'm sorry Jared, but I can't remember you anymore, I don't want to" He started quietly sobbing while tearing the picture up before throwing it in the trash.

Evan ended up deciding against going to get the note. He still went outside and started walking though. He wanted to feel bad about Jared's,, attempt, but it was hard with everything happening recently. It was hard for Evan to picture Jared's face and not want to scream how much he'd been hurt by Jared's actions and how much he had come to despise him.

Even before Jared started bullying Evan, he seemed fed up with Evan.

Fed up with his stuttering.

Fed up with his crying.

Fed up with his break downs.

Fed up with his anxiety.

Fed up with Evan still breathing. And honestly, Evan was fed up with it too.

Jared didn't want to deal with Evan's problems and now,

He'd left Evan broken.

~~~

Connor tried to fall back asleep after Evan left but found he couldn't. He had been thinking. Evan hadn't come to Connor's house since they were last in the roof universe, and for good reason. Connor had gotten more violent, and quite frankly, he was afraid of Evan seeing him that angry and violent.

Connor went downstairs. It was probably around two in the morning and you could tell from the smell and his red eyes, that he was high. He tried getting high on the roof to avoid hurting his family, but when he got munchies he just kinda went down with no thought of what he'd do if anyone was up.

He was digging around a cupboard before Zoe came up behind him and leaned against the wall "The hell are you doing?" Connor didn't want to be bothered. He just wanted to get snacks and go. Something snapped in him when Zoe bothered him.

"Fuck off." Connor snapped and heard Zoe scoff. He turned around "Fuck you!" he yelled. "Fuck you!" Zoe yelled back. "You're crazy Connor, you need to stop smoking before you kill yourself or someone else." She sounded pissed off but there was an undertone in her voice that said she was scared and just wanted Connor to be safe. "Fuck you Zoe! You don't know shit!" He screamed in her face. Connor saw her flinched but try not to show she was scared. "F-Fuck you!" Zoe ended up pressed against the wall with Connor screaming at her.

Larry and Cynthia would've been awake by now, but Larry was on a business trip and Cynthia was with a friend. The fact they weren't home made Zoe even more scared of the situation.

"Connor, you need help, you're gonna hurt yourself if you keep this up." Connor punched the wall next to Zoe "Shut the fuck up! What would you know?! You're the pretty girl at school who everyone loves. You're perfect! You don't know anything!" Zoe choked slightly and felt tears roll down her cheeks. She was overwhelmed with emotions, it was a lot of anger, fear and sadness. "Fuck you Connor, I'm anything but perfect."
"Yeah! Yeah sure you are! Why don't you tell that to the little cliques at school who practically worship you!" Connor shoved Zoe, causing her to just hit the wall she was already pressed against.

"You wanna know how ' ' perfect ' ' my life is? I'm sexualized the fuck out of. I've heard this cliques who ' ' worship ' ' me as you call it. They talk about wanting to fuck me, Connor, I'm a sex object to them. If I'm not seen as a sex object I'm seen as ' ' Connor's sane sister ' ' , ' ' the Murphy child who hasn't snapped yet ' ' , ' ' Connor's younger sister ' ' , ' ' probably does drugs in secret ' '. I'm living in our shadow Connor! You refuse to accept be fact your hurting people and you're toxic! You're tearing apart this family Connor! You're breaking all of us!"

"Fuck you!" Connor shoved Zoe to the floor and watched her scrambled to her feet before running upstairs and locking herself in her room.

This is all your fault Connor, you broke her.

Connor clutched a pillow from Evan's bed to his chest while crying into it. He rolled his sleeves up and scratched violently at his arms. He'd cut his arms like there was no tomorrow yesterday before Evan invested him to stay over night. He gasped slightly and cried feeling cuts reopen.

You should kill yourself now.

You hurt Zoe.

You hurt Larry.

You hurt Cynthia.

You're gonna hurt Evan

You should kill yourself now because no one can fix you.

Because you're broken.