I Like You Better In Red {DEH}

Silence

Evan probably only ate half of the ramen cup, not even, before he was laying down with his head in Connor's lap, out cold. Connor understood Evan just, sleeping. That was a weird thing to say, but he understood things like depression naps, when he was in a depressive episode, if it was bad enough he'd sleep through day after day after day, only occasionally getting up for water and sometimes food, but normally not. He assumed it was a similar thing for Evan.

Connor would be lying if he said it didn't hurt him to watch Evan struggle but there really wasn't anything more he could do. Medication and therapy not really helping you? Let me help by being your friend!!! That wasn't how it worked and Connor found the media often depicted it like that.

He looked down at the sleeping boy and found a small bit of pain twist in his stomach. Even when Evan was asleep he didn't look peaceful. He still looked vaguely scared and on edge and broken. He occasionally twitched or whimpered, face contorting in pure agony before calming down again for a while. He'd sleep calmly for half an hour to forty minutes then start twitching and whimpering for ten minutes and the cycle went on for four hours before Evan woke up and sat up without a word.

Minutes of silence went by where neither of the two boys looked at each other or said anything.

One minute.

Two

Three

Four

Five

Si— "Do you feel any better after your nap?" Connor asked quietly a looked over at Evan. Evan very faintly smiled and looked at Connor "Yeah, a bit." Connor smiled and hugged Evan tightly.

They spent the moments hugging as moments thinking.

Evan noticed how Connor smelt like vanilla, cigarette smoke, and pot.

Connor noticed Evan smelled like strawberries and lemon. He assumed Evan and his mom had to use the same shampoo and conditioner for financial reasons, plus Connor had only seen one bottle of shampoo and one bottle of conditioner whenever he went into the bathroom.

There was silence again. There was silence a lot in their friendship and that silence said more than they ever could.

In the silence Evan could tell if Connor was happy, if he had a rough day, if he was having family issues, just all based on the tension. That silence would always explain Connor better than Connor ever could.

In the silence Connor would tell if Evan was anxious, excited, having a bad day, scared, alone, just all based on the tension. That silence would always explain Evan better than Evan ever could.

The silence and the tension twisted in a way neither of the boys had felt between each other before.

"How violent would you be willing to get with me?" Evan asked. Connor was taken aback by the smaller boy's question "I would never get violent, I would never want to hurt you."
"What if I did something? Like overstepped boundaries?"
"I might lightly shove you, that's it."

Evan looked down. He silence became uncomfortable. Evan was scared. Connor was confused.

"May I try something?" Evan asked quietly "And if I over step any boundaries, you are free to throw me across the room."
"You may."

Evan rocked back and forth on the couch slightly before looking over at Connor. The pale boy in black he'd managed to fall in love with. The one he didn't know that in the weeks, probably months, they were friends, he'd fallen for the boy in blue.

He took a deep breath before leaning over and brushing his lips against Connor's. It was barely a kiss. If your hand brushed someone else's hand you wouldn't say you held hands. They didn't kiss, their lips brushed and left a spidery cobweb feeling on their lips that caused them both to shudder.

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msosorry" Evan scrambled to the other side of the couch but he was stopped when Connor's hand was placed on his. Connor moved closer to Evan.

They made eye contact. The silence told each other what they wanted and that they were okay with it.

Connor leaned towards Evan and softly connected their lips and Evan softly kissed back. One hand went to Evan's cheek while the other went to waist. Evan's arms hesitantly snaked up Connor's torso before wrapping around his neck.

Connor found Evan tasted of candy cane. Holiday collection, candy cane chapstick.

Evan on the other hand, found Connor tasted vaguely like Barq's root beer. It tasted like those lip balms you get at Claire's or some other store that taste like soda or candy.

There was something childish and whimsical about Connor's choice of root beer lip balm and there was something sweet and pure about Evan's choice of peppermint chapstick.

And there was something so astonishing about them clashing and being together.

The silence between Connor and Evan while they softly kissed was one of the longest between them.

And that silence spoke the words they didn't need to say.

I love you