Paper Thin

• 82: The Fire and The Flood •

Songs for the chapter:

Melody

After Carson left, I went back to work on my painting, determined not to come up for air until it was finished. As I worked, I couldn't help but think about how hard February would be. Though my mom had passed away at the beginning of the month, it always seemed like a dark cloud settled over my household and didn't let up until March.

My dad would throw himself into his work, barely saying more than two words to anyone. He would sleep in his home office, change and then go to his actual office. It would then throw Margot for a loop, as she didn't seem to know how to function if my father didn't sleep in their bed. She would start taking long baths, which left upstairs foggy from the heat, and then down some sleeping pills every night. She was usually crankier and ruder to me, and even sometimes Mia. Then Mia would just lock herself in her room and try to avoid everyone.

The loud sound of sirens blew past in the distance, and my heart dropped, meeting my feet on the floor. What if that siren was for him? My brain seemed to get stuck on the thought. I swallowed hard and tried to move beyond it.

Is he okay?

Why is it taking so long?

February; a dark and heavy month. It brought up all the feelings that I tried to tuck away to the rest of the year. I was just trying to keep it together, which is probably why I fell apart when Carson tried to leave. The thought of him hitting an icy patch on Sound View Drive made my chest hurt.

Is he there yet?

Is he okay?

Why hasn't he texted yet?

My hands trembled as they worked in a pattern, gluing and then adding broken glass to the painting. The bright red, mixed with the dark red was startling, angry, and pain filled. I wondered what my mother felt in those last moments. Did she see red? Did she feel the broken glass? I glued the last piece of glass onto the canvas and wiped a tear away with the back of my hand.

Got there safely.

Call you later.

Carson White; 8:28pm

I felt like I could breathe properly once again. It was scary to care this much about someone. Something I never planned. I didn't want to ever care about anyone again after my mother, and while I loved my dad, he didn't seem to care too much about me. It was easy to pretend that I was on my own. But Carson made it hard to think that way and now I wanted him safe. I needed him safe. I needed to know that he was always going to be here. I couldn't lose him.

***

The next day, Carson picked me up around noon and we went over to his house. As we walked inside, he turned to me and smiled.

"So, we will study, but I have a fun little surprise," he said. "So, close your eyes and I'll lead you."

"Okay," I said dragging out the word. "You better not–"

"Let you fall," Carson finished cutting me off. I stuck my tongue out at him and closed my eyes. Carson took my hand and began leading me down the foyer hallway. "Watch your step," he said as we took a corner. Then we began descending.