Your voice: so far away (completed)

6. Chris

The next day I couldn't stop thinking about Amy. She had changed so much but for better or for worse. It was clear she wasn't as happy as she used to be but I no longer know how to be there for her. What happened that made her change. It isn't just the fact that she had to move and that she's the new girl there's something else bothering her but I don't know what. She's now such a closed book. She doesn't seem quite as open as she used to be, but what worries me the most is that she also seems uncertain about everything now. Almost as if now she has to think everything through but even when she dose that she doesn't seem know the answer. So I decided to text Luke to see if he knew anything.

Chris- hey Luke do you know why Amy is acting so strange.
Luke- what do you mean by strange.
Chris- well ever since she came back here she's been acting different.
Luke- wait she with you.
Chris- she's with her grandparents didn't you know that.
Luke- I don't know anything about her now.
Chris- what do you mean
Luke- she just goes to school and then comes back either angry, sad or with a new bruise or scratch from her clumsy science partner and then she slams the door and thats it. Sometimes I hear her crying but she never wants anyone to do anything.
Chris- what do you think is wrong?
Luke- I have no clue except for the fact that it all seems to have started when she went to her new school.
Chris- do you think she'll be alright
Luke- I hope so.

I texted Luke a bit more before saying goodbye. I sat on the edge of my bed thinking. I'd only just got my phone back from my sister so that I could text her when I needed her to pick me up. Then I read all of the texts from Amy there were loads daily and then soon enough there were none. It was as if she had given up and had realised I wouldn't be texting her back anytime soon. Then I reread the conversation we had last night. When she ran away it was almost as if she was to scared to stay. Like if she stayed any longer then I might do something that she didn't want me to do. But then I saw her face after she managed to dodge the car. She was terrified. It was as if it was some kind of wake up call for her that she never thought would happen. Then when she said goodbye I didn't know if she meant for now or forever.

But then I think back to how she acted at her grandparents house when I was there. She couldn't look me in the eye not even for a second. Then when I finally managed to see her eyes I quickly realised why she wasn't looking at me. She had tears building in her eyes and it was clear she didn't want me to see them. Then when I saw her hand I knew that there was definitely something wrong. Then when I asked about her hand she hid her hand behind her back and told me it was nothing. Why didn't Amy want to let me in anymore. Is it because she feels guilty or is it because she doesn't want me to worry. I can't even tell why Amy dose what she dose anymore. I desperately just want to hold her in my arms again and tell her everything will be okay. But I can't. Amy's such a closed book now its almost as if she doesn't want anyone to help her. Its as if she feels she needs to do this on her own. But what?

But the thing that hurt me the most was when Amy told me I was allowed to hate her. That I should be angry with her and that I should yell or do something. But I don't want to hate Amy. I love her too much to do that. Yes she might have broken my heart and yeah at first I felt angry. But it was clear that Amy had already blamed herself enough. She had done everything possible to make me sure that she hadn't gone one day without hating her decision. But I know that deep down Amy doesn't want me to be angry its only what she thinks she wants. And I don't want to be angry with her, she means to much to me. Plus even if I was angry at her I knew it would destroy her on the inside. I remember hearing her hit the door and cry. I looked through the small window next to the door and I could see Amy sat there with her hand in her hair. I hated seeing her like that but there was nothing that I could do to help her.

I decided to get changed and go out for a walk. It was still really early and the sun had only just risen. I grabbed my jacket and started walking. I walked down the road and through the city centre. All of the shops were still closed and there wasn't a single car on the roads. Everyone was probably still asleep so everything was completely empty. I decided to walk around the edge of town like I'd started doing since Amy left. I assumed that her grandparents house would be completely empty and that they would all still be in bed. So I was shocked when I turned the corner and saw Amy sat on the roof looking up at the sky. She had a guitar by her side and she looked deep in thought. I stayed hidden behind a nearby tree so that she wouldn't see that I was there. The roof was quite low down to the ground but that didn't stop me from worrying.

Then she looked around and she picked up her guitar. Then she started playing the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. Then she started singing quietly and it was clear that the song she was playing was her own. Its was beautiful but it was clear that she was singing how she was feeling. I felt horrible that she felt this way but I couldn't do anything to change how she felt. Then after a few minutes she got up and opened one of the skylights she placed her guitar inside and then just as she was about to climb through the roof tiles under her foot separated from the roof and fell down to the ground. Amy slipped but she managed to grab hold of the gutter. I felt my whole body tense up as I realised she was probably about a meter or two off the ground. It was clear she couldn't hold on for long. Then when she fell it was as if everything slowed down and I quickly ran and I managed to grab hold of her just in time.

She gripped me tightly and kept her eyes closed. She was shaking with fear and her breathing was heavy. Then once she had calmed down she slowly opened her eyes and looked up at me. I was still holding her in my arms and she looked shocked to see me there. I slowly placed her back on the ground and I had to steady her as she seemed a bit wobbly. I felt as her body tensed up once she had realised what had just happened.
" Thanks." She said nervously and I could see that she was about to look back down at the floor. I placed my finger under her chin and I lifted her head and she looked me in the eye.
" You don't have to be afraid of me Amy." I said in a hushed tone.
" But after what I did...." she started saying but I cut her off.
" What you did means nothing when you still love someone. Maybe even more then the day that you met them." I could see her starting to blush as she listened to my every word. " Amy I could never hate you but I can always love you." Her eyes filled with tears. As one ran down her face I wiped it away with my thumb. " I'm not saying lets get back together just like that but what I am saying is I don't want to hate you. I want you in my life Amy. I need you."
" I need you too." She said. " But I cant let you get hurt." Her voice was sad and I could tell she was scared to tell me this.
" What could possibly hurt me?" My voice was confused and hurt and then I finally realised what Amy was talking about. I looked down at the ground and then back at Amy.
" Chris you should just forget about me and move on." Then Amy turned and started to walk away and I held her wrist and she turned to face me.
" But I don't want to forget about you." She slid her hand out of mine and I let my hand drop to my side.
" You have to Chris. It's what's best for you." She said.
" But what about you?" She seemed almost thrown back at this. Almost as if it was something she hadn't been asked in a long time. She looked down at the ground and then walked back inside with out saying a single word. I walked away and started making my way back to my house. But all I could think about was Amy. She must be showing me in some way how she felt I just had to find out how.