Your voice: so far away (completed)

16. Chris

I'm such an idiot.

A- happy birthday Amy
(I should have remembered)
C- so what r ur plans for ur birthday
A- getting out the house really
(To avoid everyone?)
C- any where in mind
A- any where that I cant be found is perfect
( I'm sorry I hurt you so much)
C- I see
C- so basically ur mad at me
A- not mad
C- what just disappointed then
A- no
C- then what
A- then nothing
A- I don't like people making a big fuss over nothing.
( But your not nothing)
C- but its not nothing, its ur birthday
A- Exactly
A- its a birthday that no one remembers
A- meaning its no big deal
C- but ur not nothing
A- what?
C- ur the most amazing person I've ever met
C- which means this day is the best of them all.
A- what do u mean?
C- I mean...
C- will you let me see you.
C- to talk
A- ......
(She's protecting herself again)
A- ok
C- great I'll be over soon.

I put my phone in my back pocket and I grabbed everything I needed before running out the door and walking to Amy's. Ive tried talking with my family but its hard. There's nothing really to say. Then there's Amy; theres loads for us to talk about but I see the way she acts around me. She's cautious and she's too busy worrying about what she is doing, she doesn't notice what she isn't doing. She isn't being Amy she's being an impression of the Amy that she thinks I want to see. But then I don't have the heart to tell her that this isn't what I want. I want the normal Amy. The one I loved. And still love. But its as if every time I tell her I love her I can tell she doesn't believe it. She doesn't let herself believe it.

Now I'm at her door wondering what I'm gonna do. I knock and her grandma lets me in. She tells me Amy's in her room and let's me go in. Now I'm stood looking at her and she's looking at me. Neither one of us says a word but I can see it in her eyes that she wants something. And then I watch as her eyes slowly make their way down to my lips before shooting back up to look at mine. I can tell she didn't mean to do that but I knew it's what she wanted to happen. I walked towards her and before she could say anything I pushed my lips against hers. She didn't fight back, instead she joined in. My hands were on her hips and she had hers hooked round my neck.

The kiss got more intense as it carried on until Amy pulled away. She looked me sadly in the eyes and it broke my heart.
" What?" I said quietly.
" I'm just so confused right now. I mean one minute your kissing me as if I'm the only one you care about and then the next your walking down the street with me as if nothing ever happened. I just, I need to know how you feel about me. I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you love me and for once for me to believe you." Her head started to lower but I put my finger under her chin and guided her to my eyes.
" There's nothing in this world that could come close as to how I feel about you Amy. I know I've been the worst person in the world to you lately and I've just been using my sisters lies as an excuse. But Amy if for one second I lost you I'd be the most miserable person in the world. If I'd known that day that you left would have been the last time I ever told you I love you and that you would believe me then I would have said it more, I would have told you everyday how much I love you. Because Amy I love you more then I could ever tell you." I cupped my hands over her face and I looked her in the eye, trying to see if there was any part of her that could show me that she believed me. But it was like looking at a brick wall. I couldn't tell what she was thinking anymore and I couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed that I couldn't read her emotions at all.

She tilted her head ever so slightly to the side but kept her eyes locked to mine.
" I believe you." She whispered. Her lips were so close to mine but I had to stop myself. I couldn't keep doing this to her. We stayed where were. Neither one of us moved until Amy broke the silence between us. " I have to go." She pulled away from me and we both walked out of her room. I stayed behind her until we parted ways at the end of the drive way. I looked back at Amy and she was on a skateboard quickly making the distance between us greater then it already was.

But she believed me, but was she just trying to spare me the heart break. This was all just staring to get way to confusing. The pain in my side was back by the time I got home. Every step I took hurt more and more until I couldn't take it anymore and my body collapsed to the ground in my bedroom. Then before I knew it everything went black.