Your voice: so far away (completed)

13. Amy

Broken.
That's all I feel now. Its all I've ever really felt. At least when I was with Chris he could always distract me from how I felt. But now I don't even have him. I feel so stupid. I never should have pushed him away. He's all that matters to me. I never should have left, I wish I could make things better but I cant. Ive pushed him away to much just like I have with Sarah and Abbie and all of my other friends.

Tears start streaming down my face and I couldn't hold them back anymore. I'm sat in the corner of my room in an oversized hoodie curled up in a ball in the dark. I close my eyes and I feel like a scared little kid again. The part of me that I never show anyone, its the part of me thats most human. Its the only part of me that I cant control. The part of me that I am right now. Hiding in the shadows to scared and upset to move. I don't know why I'm scared, I just am. I look at my guitar but not even that can make me feel better.

My grandparents have both gone to sleep so the house is silent. I rest my head against the wall and close my eyes trying to calm myself. Then I hear a knock at the door and I cant help but wonder who it is. I wipe the tears from my eyes and start to walk towards the door. All the lights are off but I just cant be bothered to turn them on. I grabbed the spare keys next to the door and started to unlock it. I pulled it open and I stepped back in shock when I saw Chris stood alone looking lost and confused.
" Chris?" I said gently. He looked up at me and I could see the pain in his eyes. I let him inside and sat him down in the living room whilst I made us both a hot drink.

I walked back into the living room and Chris had hardly moved. I set his drink on the coffee table and sat in the chair opposite him. He looked up at me but then looked back down at the ground.
" What happened?" He looked back up at me an it was clear that he had been crying.
" My sisters pregnant, my dad is leaving to go to Australia all of a sudden for some sort of work thing and now I've lost the girl that I love and the list just keeps growing. I cant keep doing this Amy. It too hard. You know what.... never mind I never should of come here. Just forget what I said." He got up to leave but I stopped him. He looked confused and I sat next to him on the sofa and I held his hands in mine. He looked at our hands and then back at me. I gave him a reassuring smile and I knew it calmed him down.

" Chris you can tell me anything. You haven't lost me, even if you had chosen to break my heart you still couldn't lose me okay. And as for your dad I'm really sorry to hear that he has to leave but you have to remember that he'll be back. I know how close you both are and I know that you will do anything to make sure that your family is happy. But Chris you need to remember that your allowed to be happy as well. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better?" My voice was soft and gentle and I could tell that Chris was listening to my every word. I looked at Chris who seemed to be thinking. I released my grip from Chris's hands and got up to leave Chris to think. But then I felt Chris grab my wrist. I stopped where I was and he let go. I looked at him and he stood next to me.

Then suddenly Chris pulled me into a kiss. Our lips were pressed together and neither one of us wanted to end the kiss. I linked my fingers behind Chris's neck and his arms were wrapped round my waist. We pulled apart and rested our foreheads together. We were both smiling and I never wanted this to end.
" What was that for?" I asked still smiling.
" I wanted to see if you might be interested in being my girlfriend again." He answered and I could feel my heart beating quicker. I saw that he was waiting for an answer and I let out a small chuckle and gave him an even bigger smile.
" I'd love to be your girlfriend again." I said and I could see Chris's eyes light up with joy. Then he pulled me into another kiss.

Then I set up a place for Chris to sleep and went back to my room. I closed my door an I realised that I was still smiling. I looked back at the corner I was sat in not long ago and I smiled. I had hope. Hope that I didn't have to be that scared little girl inside of me. Hope that I could make myself stronger. But it was just the matter of how long I could hold onto that hope before it disappeared again. I decided to go to bed and stop overthinking everything.

Then in the morning I woke up early so that I could wake Chris up before my grandparents did. My grandparents were still asleep so I quickly tip toed down the hall and made my way to where Chris was. I woke him up and he greeted me with a smile and a kiss which made me smile. Then we made our way to the kitchen where my grandma was making breakfast. She looked at Chris and gave him a friendly smile.
" Chris its great to see you again. I see you spent the night here then." She said still smiling.
" Yeah. Sorry I came so late and sudden there was just a lot going on a home." Chris explained. I held his hand in mine and gave him a supportive smile and he smiled back grateful.
" Don't worry about it dear your welcome anytime. Plus I've heard your very close with my granddaughter." We both blushed and my grandma let out a small chuckle of delight.

We sat down and ate breakfast. We talked a lot and my grandparents seemed to get along well with Chris. I also found out that Chris was planning on deactivating the device that allowed him to hear everyone else today. My grandparents were actually really supportive of his choice. They knew the whole story about how Chris could only hear my voice and I think that was one of the things they liked most about his choice.

Then after we were done eating I took Chris into my room so that we could talk in private. I closed the door behind me and turned round to see Chris sat on my bed. I told him to wait where he was whilst I changed in my bathroom. Then when I came out Chris was still sat on the bed waiting. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. But then I suddenly felt my smile fade. Chris got up and walked over to me. He guided me to my bed and sat me down. He held my hands in his and looked at me with a worried look.
" Hey What wrong?" He asked in a calm voice. I let out a small sigh and looked at Chris.
" I don't know anymore." I said. I could see the confusion on his face.
" What do yo mean?" He asked and I could tell I had his full attention.
" Ive just not been feeling like myself lately. I guess I've got so used to lying to myself and telling myself that I was fine that now I no longer know what I feel or how I feel. I don't know when I stop actually smiling and end up faking a smile. All I know is that I'm happy with you and you make me laugh and you make me forget all my problems." My eyes filled with tears as I admitted this not only to Chris but to myself. Chris gave me a supportive smile and pulled me into a tight hug. I rested my head on his chest and he gently placed his chin on the top of my head. I could feel myself calming down but I didn't want this moment to end so I stayed where I was.