| Hetalia x Reader | Oneshots

Drunk! Denmark x reader

You lazily sat on the couch while using your phone. It was a euphoric moment until you hear someone knocking on the door. You hesitate to get up since your butt was practically glued to the couch.

"(Y/n)!" Someone yelled from the outside. You immediately recognized the voice as Mathias'. You sigh and slowly get up from the couch and open the door for him. When you opened the door, you were greeted by the Danish man. And for some reason, he smelled like alcohol. Which is unsurprising for someone like him? He slurred his words and kept mispronouncing them. "Heeey (y/n)~ Did you know you look like a......potato!"

You stare at him wide-eyed. "Was that an insult?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Da pOtAto told meee to saaay that to YOU."

You are unsure whether Mathias is high on alcohol or high on drugs. You motioned for him to get inside the house since its freezing cold outside. He quickly ran inside and kept stumbling. He fell on the floor with a thud and stared at the ceiling quietly for a few minutes.

"(Y/n)..." He finally spoke

"What?"

"Do you think...that the planet earth is secretly a GIANT Danish meatball in disguise?" he whispered in a hushed tone in fear of getting beaten up by the 'giant meatball in disguise'.

You smirk, might as well enjoy this while it lasts.

"Mathias YOU'RE WRONG." You say. "Earth is actually a potato."

Mathias nodded thoughtfully. "I see..."

After a few minutes, you get bored of staring at Mathias on the floor. For some reason, he didn't get up.

You head into the kitchen and get a leftover cake from the fridge. You take a fork and took a slice from the cake. Just as you were about to put it in your mouth, Mathias screamed. "(Y/n)! nooo!"

He quickly grabbed the fork from your hand and threw it across the room.

"Mathias what the fuck?!" you yell in annoyance. He hugged you on the waist and sobbed.

"(Y/n)! Why!"

"What do you mean 'why'?"

He sobbed again. "You could've died! You could've choked on the fork!" He hugged your waist tightly. You mentally slap yourself. 'I should've left him to freeze to death outside'. You mumble quietly. You remove Mathias' tight grasp.

"Listen, Mathias'."

"Y-Yeah?" He sniffled.

"That fork won't choke me DUMBASS!"

He stared in disbelief. "Really?!"

"Really." You repeated.

After Mathias hallucinated about a dancing beer, he passed out. You dragged him to the living room, slowly of course. Damn that Dane is heavy.

Since you can't really carry him, you just leave him lying on the floor like any good friend would've done. You threw a blanket and a tiny pillow at the sleeping Mathias. You didn't even bother to fix the blanket on him. Honestly, he looked like one of those covered up corpses in a mortuary

You happily sit on the couch and close your eyes and tried to sleep. You can't though since Mathias kept mumbling shit about a sexually aggressive beer bottle trying to rape him.

"No...(Y/n) help..." He said. "...(Y/n)...The beer... has a...condom..on top of...its head...!"

You chuckle. "Well this is amusing."

Mathias turned and rolled from the floor. "...Help....it's trying to insert itself in me...!"

You tried to refrain from laughing.

Mathias bolted up and gasped for breath. He stared at you. "(Y/n) you jerk! How could you leave me! I was getting raped by a beer bottle!"

"I was afraid to get raped by a bottle- even if It has a condom on it." You reply. "So I ran away."

Before Mathias could reply, he passed out again.

You were getting tired of this crap and decided to call Tino. Something you should've done earlier.

You dialed the Finnish man.

"Yo Tino, can you and Emil and Lukas and...who was that tall gay guy? I keep forgetting his name... Can you guys pick up Mathias. My house is starting to reek of alcohol."

"Ok (Y/n), we're on it!" Tino replied cheerfully.

"Good."

You hung up on Tino and stared at Mathias. He's acting weirder than usual. You kneel down next to him. "Mat, what's wrong?" you shake him.

He groggily opened his eyes. "(Y/n)..."

"Yeah?"

"The beer is back."

A/n: Honestly, I was running out of ideas on how to end this.