| Hetalia x Reader | Oneshots

France x Reader

A/N: Time to show off my French skills and no, I did NOT use Google translate.

Sorry if this took so long. This was supposed to be a lemon but I wasted my time staring at blank document thinking about how the lemon should go.

P.S. give Francey pants some love, he deserves it. He's the most underrated character in Hetalia.

You sigh in annoyance. You hated parties as much as you hate the people in it. This time, Francis Boneffoy, a rich French guy (or gay) threw a flamboyant party with everyone invited, including you. Unfortunately, as every party ends; people crash and they leave trash, literally.

Although for once, you did feel better as soon as everybody left; except for the host of course. A tinge of pity is exactly how you felt towards Francis. He invited a bunch of hypocrites and then they leave him like that, all alone. Unfortunately, for Francis he drank alcohol way more than he should.

Apparently, his drunkenness is worse than you thought. Francis took off his clothes a few minutes ago. His housekeepers are even afraid to go near him. His face was flushed red. He slurred his words and occasionally spoke in his native tongue.

He pirouetted and jumped like a loon, which gave you a bird's eye view of his vital regions. Luckily for you, Pierre conveniently covered it for censorship purposes.

You try to calm him down. "Francis, get off the butler!" you yell.

"No way! I am Napoleon Bonaparte, and this is my good horse. Onwards!" He yelled. And don't even ask what he wielded for a sword.

The butler was crying, he'll probably have nightmares of nude Francis for the rest of his life.

"Laisse moi tranquille!" The butler begged.

You pry Francis off the poor man. The butler sprinted right away to the nearest exit, leaving you with the drunken French. Francis sobbed profusely. "You're so cruel! You made my steed run away!" He thrashed. "Now the enemies are about to invade!"

You give him your best glare. "Shut up or I'll chop off your baguette!"

"It would be a waste to chop off my baguette if you haven't even given it a taste yet~" Francis purred. Blushing in embarrassment, you cover your face.

"What's wrong?" Francis asked. "Is my penis not big enough for you?" He asked with blue puppy dog eyes. Once again, you cover your face. He's too close for comfort, it made you insecure. Plus, his breath smelled horrible.

« Ta greule ! » You shout back.

Suddenly, oh-so-very inconveniently of Francis, he threw up a handful of vomit. You could see his dinner in a mix of slurry with food you can barely recognize. You want to throw up too, but no. The household is already having a hard time cleaning up the mansion. Francis threw up once more, spawning one more of his disgusting 'offspring'.

You can't take it anymore.

Not being able to tolerate Francis's behaviour, you call one of the maids.

"Can you point me to your boss' room?" you ask. She nodded curtly. "Upstairs, go to the hall on the left and you'll see a door with Francis's name." You thanked her.

"Would you like me to take you there?" She asked. You shake your head. "No need, I can handle this myself."

The timid maid uttered a quiet thank you. You grab hold of Francis's arm. "Let's go to your room."