The Diary of The Happy girl

Chapter 22

July,2,2015

My head was blanked. But thankfully my hand still managed to write about today.

To knew the fact that my body actually dying, leaved me in horror.

Today officially my second worst day ever.Why? Because my dead will be my first worst day ever.

Im so mad at everyone for no reason. Im so mad at my mum ,my father, my brother, my sister and the Doctors.
But mostly I mad at myself. I hate my pathetic self.

What do you think I supposed to feel when I am in the situation when you know that you'll face your dead soon? Happy?

Im started to lose my mind and I really felt like ripped the faces of whoever looked at me with their sympathy look.

I don't want people to sympathize me Because they make me felt like I am useless.   

*in out in out* [breathing paces]

So, yeah the 'thing' in my head was officially a tumor.
Yesterday the hospital call my parents to brought me to the hospital with them today.

I remember Dr. Grey from the other day, he still look the same with his white lab coat. He look like he's in his early 40's though.

He welcomed us to his office with his warm smile. He warmly welcomed me with a quicked and fatherly like hug.
"Ria,it's good to see you again! How are you?"

I am so nervous that I can't even said anything so I just nodded and smile at him.

Doctor Grey started the session by telling us about the caused of tumor and etc.

He showed us the picture of a couples of different brain tumor.
He explained us that the minor brain tumor can still be cure and will save the patient.
But then, he also showed us the case where the tumor appeared in the vital area of the brain.

He said it will be a life threatening for the patients who faces that kind of cases.

Dr Grey suddenly stop talked and take a deep breath before he continued.
His words later Make my whole body felt like a jelly.

"For Ria case,im...im so sorry it's a bad news for your family Mr Anderson."
He looked at my father and my mother. My father was so shocked that he can't said anything. Mum? She's cried, and she's holding back her sobbed.

I can tell how Dr. Grey had to fight the urge to not looking at me while he talked to me.

"Im so sorry Ria.We'll tried our best to help you". He said that  while I was in his embrace.

I can't even move my hand to hug him back.
I felt my mouth was so dried and my throat was chocked.

Dr.Grey give us a moment to digested all the information before he started again.
"Im again sorry for the bad news. But I need an approval by Ria especially, and her parents for any further treatment."

Father just nod at Dr grey. This is my first time saw my father in a devastated looked.

I knew he loves me.

"In Ria case, the tumor was appeared in the vital part of her brain.
It was so closed to the brain stem that It will caused a dead in a surgery attempt."He take a deep breath from his surroundings again and continued.

"But my team and I will try our best to help and removes the tumor as much as we can from her brain. Based on our calculation Ria only have 6 months left.
But we don't know for sure because there's a case where miracles happens and the patients who faces this serious cases like Ria can lived longer than the expectations."

His explainations make me shivered.

"If the surgery turn to success there's a high chances for us to save Ria, we'll doing a Chemoteraphy to get rid of the remaining tumor after the surgery"

He then add.

"But just like I said before, it was rarely for the patients in this type of cases save in the surgery attempt. Because If we failed then Ria life will be shortened.
In other words, she'll died in the surgery".

My head screaming no way! to his last explainations.
Mum and dad really love me I know that. All of my family member loves me. Elisa love me. My friends loves me. Dylan? I think so.
I can't take off the thoughts of them losing me. I'll make them sad.

What if I'd agree with the surgery thing that Dr Grey mentioned? If I save I'll live. But If they fail I die on the spot.
Remember Ria what he said "it's rarely for the patients in Ria case to pass the surgery attempt".

If I don't agree with the Doctor then, I will have a chance to lived for another 6 months.
It's mean I will see myself dying day by day till my last breath.
But if I am strong enough maybe I can lived for 2 or 3 years more.
I just want to finish high school.

I am so confused right now. I am making a choices for my life for god sake! not a choices between which Ice-cream flavours that I wanted.

I always hate when I was in the middle of choices.

Now I was in a state where I need to make a serious choices.
I Realized both of the choice lead to a dead.

But now, I have one choice written in my head.
I will tell mum and dad tommorow.

I hope they'll agree too. Because the logic voices in my brain said that it was the right choice to make.

So I follow my brain, for once.

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Elisa pov:

She's absence from school that day. I can't believed I still mad at her on that day.
While she's been fighting her emotions and... her incoming dead.

I am so stupid.
I can't believed myself if I was in Ria situation. I probably choosing suicide.

until today she's the strongest person I ever knew in my life.
Love my Ria.

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Hello my dearest reader!  Lreale back!

Im so tired writing this chapter😅😂. I have to do  some research and studied back. lol I felt like back to Biology class again.

So If you found any mistake about the brain brain things...well you can correct me!😉

But you know, this is just a story from ordinary girl.😂