His Biggest Hater

92

Baekhyun wants to talk.

After the past weeks of him brushing Chanyeol off in every way possible, he chose the last day to give in. And it's only after Chanyeol saw him with Kris. Chanyeol wants to sigh and cry at the same time, because that was probably Baekhyun's plan from the beginning; to show Chanyeol just how taken he is.

"You're... you're dating that dude, aren't you?" Chanyeol questions, asking carefully after peeling off his mask. He sees how Baekhyun collapsed onto the ground a few feet in front of him, legs spread in front of him with his weight leaning on his arms behind him, acting laid back compared to his own high-strung state.

"Pretty much, I guess," he answers, and Chanyeol winces. "There's been like one date. Maybe another one planned, because he's cool. But that doesn't mean we can't talk, right?"

"Yeah... Yeah, it really doesn't matter," Chanyeol says, his gaze moving to the ground next to him. Even though he feels as if the world has cheated him, maybe this was his second chance of finally having some closure with Baekhyun. "Look..." He rearranges his posture, crossing his legs and staring at Baekhyun pointedly.

"Are you finally going to tell me why you acted like a complete asshole?"

Chanyeol nods, his unstyled hair flopping and making Baekhyun smile.

Seeing that smile makes Chanyeol feel more at ease, but he knows he has to keep his romantic feelings out of the equation when apologizing to Baekhyun. He has to make this as least bothering to the shorter as possible, and only explain his side of the story.

"I've... already said this," Chanyeol begins, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "But I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I... Back then, when you confessed to me about your feelings..."

Chanyeol trails off when he realizes that there's really no possible way of him excluding his feelings for Baekhyun in his explanation, because they had too much of an importance to leave out. It takes him a second to think that damn he's taking a long pause and that fuck it, Baekhyun would never return the feelings anyway.

"I was an idiot. I know it's just an excuse, but my family—all the people that I grew up with in school and out of school, didn't see that people liking the same gender was really... possible. I even thought that you believed the same thing, what with how you always talked about your girl crushes with me," Chanyeol sighs, suddenly realizing how painfully obvious Baekhyun's attraction to guys was, what with the lingering gazes toward people like Nam Woohyun and Im Changkyun. "I saw how my parents treated homosexuals and I began seeing it in the same light. I thought your feelings were disgusting, only because... I returned them in my mind."

Chanyeol doesn't look at Baekhyun when he says this, because he's ashamed that he was such an idiot back in the day.

"I treated you like some kind of object I could play with and throw away—and I really, really regret that," Chanyeol admits, finally looking at him again. He decides not to talk about how Yoora liked Baekhyun and talked nonstop about him, because that would only be another excuse. The bottom line is that he was and still is ignorant to many things, and he's hurt people because of it. He knows he can't blame it on his supposed "selflessness" toward his sister.

He continues with, "I'm a jerk, for suddenly leaving even after I promised I would go to University with you. To be honest, I barely even have an explanation for what I did. It was just a mistake that my old self was dumb enough to do, and nothing can really justify it. And I know that I've been making countless mistakes these past days, by suddenly appearing and wanting your forgiveness..." When he leans back on the tree, his gaze goes up to the leaves flowing in the wind, feeling as if he were those leaves—wishing that he could be those leaves, being blown in the wind yet held back by what was truly important. "I want to do at least one thing right. So you don't have to forgive me. You don't have to continue talking to me and you don't even have to hate on me anymore. Just know that I regret doing what I did, and that you're not disgusting one bit. Quite the opposite, actually," he smiles to himself.