Nightmares Within Me

Night 11 Part 2

I stumbled toward Ryder first, my chains dragging behind me. He was staring blankly at the ground. I stopped in from of him and sank to my knees to look him in the eyes. He had no life in them, it looked as if everything had now been taken from him: as if everything that was keeping him here had just suddenly been ripped away from him and he had nothing left. I reached up and cupped his cheek and he leaned into my hand. A single tear slipped from his eye as his face to look at me. When his eyes met mine something in them changed. The restraints disappeared and Nathan was behind me. At this point, i'd gathered that Nathan only had the power to unlock his brother's restraints. I stood and hopped backward, keping my broken leg suspended, Nathan coming up behind me and placing his hand on my back for support. Ryder's eyes shot from mine to Nathans, the latter holding the former's gaze. Ryder stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. I looked up, surprise written across my face. I could still see anger in his eyes, but it had softened.

"Austin's last wish was to see me hold you close again, and maybe love you again. I choose to do this, but i doubt I will ever love you again. This is still on you," Ryder said coldly. I looked over at Kat and now saw Austin standing with her, holding her hand. He nodded. He knew that was what was hurting me the most. He knew this was the only thing that could be done that would help. I sobbed and mouthed my thanks. He nodded with a smile on his face. Even facing his own death, Austin would do something to help a friend.

I stood there, resting my head on Ryder's chest, his chin on my head. I felt him stiffen and took that as my que to go. So I reluctantly let go and walked to the group who was now in a pile, circle thing trying to sleep. I sat next to Justyn and he wrapped his arms around me and just fell on my shoulder. I whispered memories to him, of the fun things we had all done to take away from the scene at hand. He broke down crying and eventually fell asleep. I carefully moved him and put him on James' lap. Sure he'll probably complain later but it's better than the hard ground. I walked to Jake who seemed to be figuring this out. He asked how I was and if there was anything he could do. I said if he could get the group to laugh, at least one more time, it'd make me the happiest person in the world. So everyone gathered around him, Ryder coming over and sitting next to be, ignoring me but there, and listening. Jake began telling old stories of our times at school and hanging out.

I watched that at some point everyone had grabbed each other and Justyn had woken up and grabbed my hand. Ryder glared at it but continued. At some point, Ryder's arm came around my waist and I laid my head on his shoulder. Even Nathan had joined us. After hours of stories from everyone, I finally had heard everyone laugh. It was music to my ears. The sound resonated with me and I memorized the sounds of each person's laughter. I was probably going to be the last time i hear it from everyone so i was making the most of it. Ryder's chest vibrated as he laughed with everyone, I could hear it through his check and I closed my eyes. I knew he was only doing this through Austin's request but it still made me smile. I sat like that, just listening, for a few hours. It had to be six at night at least and everyone was sleep except for James and Ryder who must've thought I was asleep.

"Tell me man, what do you really think about her?" James asked. I felt Ryder shift and move me around so I was lying on his lap now. He began to play with my hair.

"I couldn't tell you. I still love her, but I also blame this all on her. I don't know why. I know I keep saying I don't love her and can't love her again but in honesty I never stopped loving her. It's just a bunch of complicated feelings," he sighed.

James hummed a response. "Well i'd show her that, because I see the pain in her eyes when she looks at you. She thinks you despise her and can hardly look at her. She thinks you truly hate her man, and it's tearing her up almost as bad as watching her family die. She blames herself already for all of this, how do you not see that when you look at her. She is taking this. She could have sacrificed anyone but choose to take this beating and torture because she believes she deserves it. Give her a chance to feel at least somewhat happy cause' she will have to watch us all die before you say it to her," James said. I heard some rustling and then silence. James had fallen asleep. It was only Ryder and I now.

"I remember the first time we met. Gavin introduced us, I had become you're grandfather apparently," he laughed a little, " I remember when we started talking and being so happy when we started dating it felt like my world had been turned upside down and flipped sideways. You make me so happy. You still do. It breaks me to see you have to watch this, and to see you cry, and to see you fight. I see the pain in your eyes and the blame you put on yourself. It is breaking you as much as they are physically hurting you. I know when my Rae is upset and taking on the world. You're holding the world on your shoulders trying to spare us all from the inevitable," he was saying as he laid down and rested me on top of him, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my head and wrapped his arms tighter. He whispered, "I love you, don't forget that."

I hummed. He seemed to jump and I snuggled impossibly closer, knowing this wouldn't last long. He laughed. This was the last time i'd ever hear a sound of anything but a scream from him.