Nightmares Within Me

Night 4 Part 6

As night began to fall she watched her court. The people who would be her family, and realized she was not worthy of any of them. She looked on with a heavy heart as she realized what she was going to do tonight. She would end it all, bringing the creature down, but herself as well. Before that might have scared her, before it did scare her, but tonight was different. Tonight she knew that she was ready. Knew that they could recover after she was gone. Knew that no matter what they would keep each other going without her, and she would be watching from the depths of wherever she was going, and smile at the strength they have. Strength that she knew she would never have. So as the night began to fall, she sent up a prayer, a rarity in her eyes.

" Cauldron save you. Mother hold you. Pass through the gates, and fear no evil. Feel no pain. May the Saints receive me and forgive me." she said quietly as she looked at the three people who hold her heart, the three people she is not going to see again after this.

She began memorizing their faces as the last of the light hit the horizon. Every line, every detail, she was ingraining to memory. For the chance of remembering wherever she ends up in the end. She hoped, she prayed that they will forgive her someday. For this, and for everything else, and realize that someone as broken and battered like she was no fit for this world, or for the people who live in it, for the people who love her. With the last of the light gone she pressed her palm to the ground, feeling the vibrations. It was time.

She crawled out from under the car, brushing the dirt off her legs and adjusting the rope around her waist. She looked across the field and with her eyes adjusting, could see a figure slowly making its way to her. She waited till she knew there was no way it could have missed her, and egan slowly making her way back to the power tower.

" What are you doing?" Justyn said, worry lacing his every word, tone much like someone who already knew the answer. She looked down at him as she stood at his feet.

" May the saints receive me, and mother hold me." she said. Understanding flashed in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something but she continued on.

" I don't deserve your love, you're time, or you're care. But I have received all of them. I don't deserve the life I live but i have it. I don't deserve you all in my life, and from tonight on, that will be the one thing i change," she said as she looked at them all.

" I hope in time you come to understand my reasonings, and my mannerisms. I hope you stay together and you help each other. You will all get over me, you may forget, you may not. But do not honor me, i don't deserve it." she said. With that she looked at each of them. Lillian had since began to look at her with disgust, like she was going to kill the only thing that mattered to her and then parade it around. Justyn looked up at her blankly, showing no emotion and offering no words. That's as much as she deserved. Ryder, however, had tears in his eyes. Pride shining there.

" Wait for me," he said. She just nodded, stripped everything on her body off, and began her climb. She made it to the top and looked down.

It was at the foot of the tower, looking at her friends. She willed it to follow, to pay them no mind. And it did, it began after her, and so she climbed impossibly higher, and then began her plan. It didn't involve a noose, just tying the two of them together and free falling. She looked up at the stars and wondered if they had always shone so bright, or if they shined brighter to help her see her way through the night. She smiled and tied one end of the rope to the power tower, tying the rest to herself.

" You know, it's not safe to be at such a height," it said as it appeared next to her.

" I figured I'd get a look at the view, lovely night tonight." she said as she lunged at the creature. It had no time to react as she unslung the rope from the tower and looped it around it's frame. She pushed off with her feet, beginning their decent. As they fell she gave up on the rope and grabbed the creature, grabbed the thing that began her spiral down, and said a different prayer. It wasn't quite a prayer, but a statement. For all to hear.

" The world will never have to hear the cries of a person not worth the time. The world will be done with one more waste. And i pray the world protect those I care for and love most," as she said that she looked down, to see all of them staring up. Ryder had a sad, relenting smile. It made her smile.

" Tonight will end the cycle. Tonight will spare them. Tonight it's over." she said as she faced the ground, approaching faster. As it got close enough, she began to cry. She knew she was ok with leaving, knew she had to do it, but it didn't mean that the pain of losing those three people lessened anymore. Fire tore through her chest, invisible and seering and bright. She laughed as she approached the ground and looked to the stars once more. Looked to the people who drug her out of her own hell and into the light. Looked at them and knew that no matter what happened they would be her home. No matter what they thought of her, she would love them till the end and beyond.

And with that the world went black.

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She watched from somewhere, somewhere between, as the sun rose again. This time was different though. This time she was at peace. This time she was looking at three different rooms at once. Each holding a piece of her heart, each waking up peacefully, and beginning their day. And she realized, each was at peace because she no longer existed, and to anyone but herself, she never had.

Pain broke through her as she realized this, but also gratitude for whoever had spared them.

Ryder woke and texted an old friend, one who had grown close to him, and it made her smile. He was so happy, smiling and giddy again. Like a child ready for a playdate. She would wait for him. For ever, she would wait. And beyond. But for now she'd watch him grow.

Justyn woke and texted Lillian before getting up to make food. He went about his day before joining Lillian at her house. They spent the day sleeping and eating and having fun. No cares in the world.

And as she relaxed she realized, each had woken up and done something normal, but had paused, like they we're buffering. Only for a second. As she looked at the scenes before her, she saw traces of her life. She saw the remains of her happiness, how they we're carefree and smiling and happy and she knew that she had done it. That this was the end.

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I want to thank everyone that stuck around for the end of this book. I know I haven't updated in a very long time and I have had a lot of stuff going on, but this was halfway written and I finally had time to finish it up. I hope that whoever reads this knows that though the ending might convey a sence of suicide, or the prethought of which, that there is no chance of that happening. I am healthy, and mostly happy and have no intention or thoughts of ending it all now. So to one of you I say this might convey some of what I feel (if you read this), but to the rest, I hope you enjoyed my little bout of whatever this was, and that you check out my other books.

I'm also working on another book too which I hope you all will enjoy (if i post it). Good night everyone, thank you so much.

-E