Nightmares Within Me

Night 7 Part 3 : First Half

In advance i want to say thank you to my editor who helped me figure out how to write this chapter. Your the best so stfu and deal with it child. 

I thought I had felt pain. I thought that the first night in that cell. Seeing Lillian, and Justyn, and Ryder all hurt and killed. I thought that was pain. But that is nothing compared to watching my friends die, losing the person you love most, and having to watch my family burn. That's more than pain. That is torture. What had I done to deserve this? What had I done. I made a last-ditch effort to sway my mind from the decision it had made, but there was no going back. I sat in wait. Shifts changed. Three. Four.

It was two in the morning. My shift. I sighed. I walked downstairs to Eric only to find him talking to Ryder. Ryders back was to me so he didn't see me. Eric saw me but made no notice of it, letting me sit and listen as he talked to Ryder and got louder little by little. Ryder didn't notice. I shrank into the darkness and waited. I spied my gear across the room, along with the first aid kit. I needed to change my bandages soon. I sat and listened to Ryder and Eric talk. They talked about anything but me and the recent deaths of our family, our friends. They talked while cleaning their guns, and fiddling with their clothes. I looked at Eric and practically begged him to get Ryder to say something about Camilla, Bennett, James, and Victoria. Eric nodded and they got on that topic. Ryder mentioned me and I slid back further, Eric taking notice. Ryder blamed me for not only their deaths but the death of his brother. He kept saying it was my fault and even though he didn't have the heart to kill me he hoped Nicoli does. He can't stand to even be in the same airspace as me. I hung my head. I motined to see if Eric could rap it up and for both of them to sleep. He gave a subtle nod and within twenty minutes they were both asleep.

I crept down the rest of the way. I went to the other side of the room to throw my gear on. I had taken it off in respect when we cremated the others and left it here. It was so close to Ryder, close enough to wake him up if he was sleeping lightly. I put everything on quietly and walked around Ryder, but before i walked off I stopped. I'd be damned if I didn't do one last thing. I knelt down and placed my hand on his cheek. He leaned in, still completely asleep, to my hand and a tear fell down my face. I leant down and kissed his forehead before standing and walking to the kitchen to do the same to Lillian and Justyn. They were the best family I could ever ask for and how I survived this long without them in my life was beyond my wildest imagination. I took my time with this as i leant down and kissed Lillian's head, Justyns arm wrapped firmly around her waist as they slept peacefully. I spied Lillian's gun in her hand as she slept. She was a smart girl. Justyn was like my brother and all the times he had stayed up late into the night just helping comfort me flashed through my head and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. They were both warm, unlike their bodies had been the first time i saw them. Cold and cut up. This might be the last time I see them and my idiot self forgot to confirm Justyn was sleeping and he squeezed back before whispering the last worlds i'd likely hear him say.

" If you don't come back, make sure you go out with a bang and i'll make sure she thinks you ran because of Ryder." My voice failed me so I just nodded and squeezed his hand one last time before waking to say my goodbyes to the rest of my family. I walked through the living room and said goodbye to all my sleeping friends, who had grown to be family in such a short time of knowing them.The only one I couldn't find was Alex. He likely knew what I was going to do far before i did it. Just as I thought that he came up behind me. He wasn't wearing his gear and wasn't holding his gun. He simply stopped, handed me all of his mags loaded with bullets and hugged me.

"Justyn talked me out of going with you. You know I would have, but he said it's either I deal with him or you. I chose the easier way," he whispered so that nobody would wake. I laughed a little as he held me tighter. "You had either come back and that asshole is dead," he said as pulled away and held my shoulders, "or you kill that bastard with your last breath," he said. I wiped the tears away and looked down at Ryder. Maybe his wish would come true, maybe I wouldn't survive, but I knew it was either going to be him or me and if it's me Nicoli was still going to die.