Nightmares Within Me

Night 3 Part 4

Ok, there are two dedications. One official and one that im saying. Thank you to my editor for 1 dealing with this shit on and off my outline document your the best and dont even argue it because you know you are so fuck you deal with it. Also the official dedication, i hope this person sees because i know i said it already tonight but your amazing and you deserve every good thing and more every brought into your life whatever it may be. Thank you for helping me through everything and not viewing me as a monster with everything you know. The world needs more loving people like you in it. You always have a place in my heart and i love you. Dont forget it, ever. Thank you for making me feel human again in times i felt like the farthest thing from this planet and felt like the monster im claimed to be. Your truly something else.

I watched as all of my friends stayed across the room. I didn't blame them. Maybe they had all realized that it was my fault, that I wasn't worth having around anymore. Maybe they had come up with a way to kill me. Maybe that was it. Maybe for them to live, I had to die. I didn't know if that was what had to happen, but I wasn't opposed to it if it was. Maybe it was, again, what I deserved. I didn't know. All I knew was that I was condemning my friends and family and everyone I loved to go through this and I had to watch it all with the knowledge and memories of everything before it. That was the ultimate torture. Having to watch them get hurt and die over and over and be powerless to stop it and know that it was your fault. It was crushing and I was beginning to bend to the pressure of it all. Trying to detach myself from everyone, hoping they won't know i'm pushing myself away from them. No one had noticed yet, I was simply sitting across the room thinking. Ryder may have started getting suspicious but Justyn kept him over there to give me space. Could I talk to any of them about what was going on with this? With me? Justyn would most likely tear me apart for making Lillian like this. Ryder would abandon me like everyone else in my life had so far, and Eric and Victoria would, if they had half a mind, follow him. I couldn't ask for anything else really. They would still be stuck in this hell but maybe if they all hate me then I wouldn't have to see this again. If they saw the monster inside me then they would finally be safe from me.

I looked over at Ryder who didn't look remotely worried as the four of them played a game. Justyns gaze caught my attention. I could see the question behind the cool fasade of calm, uncaringness. I just nodded and watched them play. As far as they should be concerned I was fine.

Moments later the walls began to shake. Then one opened up. I made sure to memorize it, because as soon as it opened i saw the creature carrying food trays I knew things were about to get ugly. There was something off about it. Something didn't feel right about it. The food looked like something you would get at a high end place, not something that this thing would give you to just barely keep you alive. It passed out the rations to everyone and when it came to me a note was sticking out the top. Something was up. I accepted mine, took the note and waited for it to leave. Once it was gone I gave my rations out to everyone else, saying that I wasn't feeling well and that they wouldn't last long enough to be good when I feel up to eating them so they accepted them. I went back to the corner and read the note.

"What, oh dearest monster of mine, was the worst memory you have," it read, "The one that torments you the most and has brought the most damage to your life?" I looked at Ryder and tried to stop the thought, but as soon as I read it I knew what caused the most pain and there was no hiding it. The writing on the card changed.

"You're going to have a visitor. I suggest you look presentable." It was followed by a maniacal laugh that echoed through the room. My eyes shot to Justyn. He was staring right at me.

"We'll protect you," was all he said. I lowered my head knowing there was no stopping it. If it came to it, this creature would chain them all to the wall and I couldn't see that again. I was going to have to go through this again.