All This Time (Destiel, Sabriel and Michifer AU)

Time Passes

~~Two weeks later~~

Dean lay staring up at the ceiling, shadows under his eyes and near tears as Ben finally stayed quiet. He barely got sleep these days, between Ben waking up crying and his nightmares, Dean felt terrible. He had purple shadows under his eyes, his hair was always messed up and he needed to shave. The only light in his life was Cas, who had been staying with him and helping out with Ben while Dean struggled to adapt. 

Sam was staying nearby with Gabe, the two of them were happy which of course made Dean happy, but also mournful for the loss of Lisa. Now he was alone in the world with a baby he had never planned and a friend he used to date and therefore felt awkward around.

He had also heard that Michael and Lucifer were finally engaged, and while he was very happy for them, he was also very jealous that they got to have a normal, happy life. 

Then Ben started crying again, interrupting his internal dialog and Dean lets out a small sigh before rolling out of bed. Yup, his life had changed and he was sure it wasn't for the better.

~~One month later~~

Dean hugged Sam as they stood outside his house, Sam was heading back to Stanford today and Dean was already missing him.

"You stay safe, okay Sammy? No stupid mistakes or bad choices over there," Dean knew he was repeating the words he'd said to 19 year old Sam when he had first left for school, but he was feeling extra protective lately.

"You know me Dean, I'll be too busy with my head in a book," Sam forces a smile and rests a hand on his older brother's shoulder. 

"Yeah, and he'll be too busy with me to even bother talking to other people, I can watch out for him anyway," Gabriel grinned cheekily, nudging his boyfriend. 

"Good God, there goes my hope for Sammy," Dean pretends to sigh.

"Will you be alright?" Sam asks, ignoring Gabriel's finger poking him in the ribcage.

"Of course I will Sammy, and isn't it my job to worry about you, not the other way round?"

Sam rolls his eyes, "I'm allowed to protect you too, Jerk."

Dean swallows past the emotional lump in his throat. "Bitch."

Sam turned and got into his car, smiling at his brother before they pulled away and disappeared down the road. Dean stands alone on the sidewalk for several long moments before taking a deep breath and walking back into the house. He had a sleeping baby to check on.

~~Three months later~~

"Dean?" Dean winced as Cas came into his room with young Ben on his hip.

"Go away Cas," Dean draws his knees up to his chest, eyes fixed on a random spot in the carpet.

"Dean..."

"I don't need this right now," Dean's voice came out hoarse, but that didn't surprise him considering he barely spoke these days.

Ben was sniffling, crying into Cas's trenchcoated shoulder. Dean's heart throbbed, he wanted to bawl too, he wanted to apologize for being a crappy dad and he wanted his happiness back. But Cas wouldn't want a wreck like Dean.

 So instead Dean withdrew further as the blue eyed man sighed and left the room to console the sobbing baby.

~~Six months later~~

"Dean, I can't watch you do this to yourself any longer, if you're not going to help yourself, I'm out."

Dean raises his sore head and blinks blearily at Castiel. "What'dya mean, Cas-Castiel?"