Camila/You Imagines

Gone (Boy x Girl)

Who knew it'd hurt this much?

It was too much but at the same time I didn't give a shit. I was happy she was happy. She didn't want me as much as I wanted her. She didn't love me as much as she said she did, it made sense why I was always the one to express my feelings. She never did. I gave her comfort and a pretty face, I was her friend that she appreciated to a certain extent.

She loved me yes, but she didn't love me like I loved her. She was miles upon miles away but that was nothing. You can love someone with all your being, distance didn't mean shit. I didn't know if it was a one of a kind relationship or lots of people had the exact same problems/feelings.

I couldn't be alone, I couldn't be in silence, I couldn't help but keep my thoughts occupied. I was afraid every single feeling I pushed down was gonna blow up in my face. I was afraid. I was gonna break and I didn't like breaking, she was gone now. Not forever but gone as my girlfriend.

I couldn't call her baby anymore, I wasn't allowed to be jealous any longer. She simply wasn't mine and I was gonna go insane if I kept going out for runs. Literally running from my problems, running from the thought of her. Taking my own breath away just like she did when she said she couldn't be mine anymore.

I knew it'd be better for us, why keep trying just for it to turn toxic? I didn't wanna be toxic. I wanted to be in her life forever but fuck, it hurt. It hurt so much cause I knew I wouldn't be able to see that smile of hers. I wouldn't be the one making her happy anymore. I wasn't gonna be hers any longer and that thought fucking killed every fiber in my being.

"Fuck." I hugged my knees right next to the neighborhoods basketball court.

I leaned my head against the basketball stand and squeezed my eyes shut before grabbing my phone. Texting my friends like nothing ever happened, acting like I was fucking great. I was so dandy online but it was like my heart had its own thoughts. It kept attacking me out of nowhere.

Scrolling through my Instagram timeline trying to occupy myself after the small run I just did. Texting back and mending some failing friendships so we would be okay again. If I lost one important person there's no point in losing someone who's been there for two years. Especially if it was something over dumb, I couldn't lose two important people.

I was glad she never was that active on social media I didn't have to see her having a great ass time. I didn't have to see her smile knowing she was now gonna forget me. She was forgetting me now and I was having trouble accepting that.

But it was my fault as well, I saw a change in her words to me, I saw everything but I didn't know what to do. I let it go to shit. Then once I tried to fix it, it was too late, she didn't love me anymore. While I fell even more in love with her trying to get her back. It hurt so badly when she said she didn't love me like she used to. I was a fucking idiot for letting this happen, she was mine. She was fucking mine and I just let her go.

I shook my head as I felt my heart get heavy when a certain song came on. It was on shuffle so of course I wasn't tryna fucking just die from my song choices. The Other by Lauv played out through my ears and I clenched my jaw. I prayed over and over so I wouldn't cry but I eventually started to before I could switch the song. It was like when I heard one second of that song my heart dropped and I was frozen.

This was the definition of shook. Cause I definitely was.

I locked my phone and I let my tears fall not caring if anyone saw me. No one came around the basketball court anyways. My neighborhood was only worried about drugs and gang banging. No judgement cause you gotta do what you have to, just more me time, I guess.