Dallas

Chapter fifteen

I felt a hand gently rest in my shoulder. I turned quickly and saw Johnny. I had forgotten I had to say goodbye to him and Dally as well. I don't think I can do it.

"We're you in pain?" I asked in a low and scratchy voice. I was nearly a mute from all of the screaming and crying.

"When I died?" He asked and I nodded my head. "Yeah. I guess. But your dad, both of em', and your uncles sure made it a lot better."

He grabbed my face with one hand and looked at me. "I was supposed to protect you and watch over you when I came down here. Instead I fell in love with you."

I half smiled and half cried. "I love you too." I whispered. He leaned in and kissed me gently.

"You're going to be amazing Dallas. You already are. Don't let our death stop you from living."

I let another tear fall before I nodded in agreement. Our foreheads rested against each other and I closed my eyes, knowing that the same thing that happened with my father would happen again.

"I love you Dallas. I always will."

I clenched my jaw trying to prevent myself from screaming into the void. "I love you." And I did what I swear every bit of my heart begged me not to do, I opened my eyes. And I was alone once again.

I sat alone in the dark until my tears stopped flowing. My heart beat steadied and my mind calmed down. I was breathing at a normal pace and I knew I was ready for my next goodbye. My final goodbye.

He didn't say anything, nor did he make a noise but I could feel his presence behind me. "If you would have known, would you have done things different?" I asked while staring at the darkness of the night. I couldn't see more than ten feet in front of me, but I wasn't scared. I had never feared the dark, not even at a young age. I enjoyed the blackness that came with night. To me in was comforting and necessary.

"You mean, if I'd known Sylvia was pregnant?"

"Yes." I said with a broken and worn down tone. I still wasn't crying. Not yet at least.

"I'd like to think I would've. But I was a lot different then. I was-"

"Broken."

"Something like that."

I turned to face him. I looked at his sharp and cold features so similar to my own. For the first time I saw myself in someone else. He had the same cold eyes my father had. That's where I get them.

"This whole thing was supposed to help me find myself."

"Yeah. You're right."

"I don't have the slightest idea who I am Dally." I said with a careless and slightly bitter voice. "I used to be confident and proper. I was a perfectionist in a beautiful house with a bright future. Now I'm nothing like that."

"What are you like?" He asked.

"A mess. A chaotic mess. I'm reckless and careless. I'm strong and fearless in a way that terrifies my uncles. I'm confused and I listen to rock music way too damn loud. I have no idea who I am Dally."

"I think you just said it." He replied while sitting next to me in the street in the darkness.

"What?"

"You're eighteen Dallas. The point of this, the point of you knowing me, was so you could see that the life you were living wasn't really you. You're a mess. A chaotic mess. You aren't suppose to have everything figured out. You had a life planned before you had done any living at all."

I smiled at how right he was. I had no idea that you could die and still be breathing at the same time. But I was dead. For years in Texas I was dead. Knowing Dallas, Johnny, my uncles and my father's past, had brought me back to life. I'm alive.

"You're alive. So act like it." He said bumping my shoulder with his.

"Is this the part where I close my eyes and when I open them I have to go home?" I asked while still amazing myself at the fact that there were no tears whatsoever.

"This is the part where you begin your life."

I smiled at him. I took one last long look at him. I needed to remember his face. I felt him grab my hand and I looked down and saw him handing me a picture of him and the gang. I smiled once again and then took a deep breath.

"You're a great daughter."

"And I'm sure you would have been a good dad."

He shook his head. "Not as good as the one that raised you." I smiled, because he was right.

"I love you."

"I love you too, dad." I laughed and he did too. I studied him one last time.

Then I closed me eyes.

And when I opened them,

He was gone.