Desire

chapter five

I wake up to the very loud sound of my alarm. I open my left eye and locate where my phone is at, I reach out and slide the screen to silence the nuisance.

I rub my aching temples, what the hell did I do last night?

Memories of last night start to surface. I remember being really bored so I decided to let loose and go with it, then I started dancing, then Harry joined me and then we kissed. Oh my God please tell me that really didn’t happen. Then Harry and I started doing shots with Bess and some other people. Past that I cannot remember anything.

Holy shit, it could be worse I guess. There could be someone in my bed. Niall must have made sure I didn’t bring anyone home. Niall, oh no what if he has already left for the airport.

I jump out of bed way to quickly and the world starts to spin. I hold my head and regain my steadiness and walk towards the living room. The smell of fresh coffee fills the air around me and it’s heavenly. Niall is so sweet he has made me coffee.

The kitchen comes into sight and I almost fall straight to the ground when I see who is accompanying it.

“Harry?” I shriek and he looks up at me and pulls two mugs out of the cupboard. What in the world is going on? Please tell me I’m imagining he is standing there, in my kitchen making coffee. He fills the mugs and hands one to me, with a wide grin. “Good morning Eva, sleep well?” I stare at him in utter shock. He is being so calm about this all. Maybe that is a good sign.

I turn around to go into the living room to find Niall. But he is not there.

“Where is Niall?” I say ever so quietly and slightly panicked.

 “He is having a shower; he needs to leave for the airport soon.” Okay I didn’t miss him.

“Okay, so um why are you here?” I ask trying to stay as calm as I can. When really, I’m about to lose my shit. Why is he in my apartment this is my home and he is a practical stranger, that you made out with last night. My bitch of a conscious adds.

“Niall offered me to stay here last night, I hope you don’t mind. It’s just you had passed out in the cab so I carried you up here and put you to sleep. I was also a little drunk so Niall told me to stay.” Okay, this is my fault. Niall couldn’t have carried me. He had a knee surgery only 5 months ago he couldn’t have carried my drunken arse back up to the flat.

“Oh, well thank you, for bringing me up here.”

“So it’s cool I stayed here?”

I just nod and smile in response. I sink into the sofa and take a sip from my mug.

I can’t help but feel really awkward around Harry. I let my guard down and he witnessed it. He saw what I used to be like. What I used to do, pretty much all the time. I can’t let her come back ever again. Because see what happens when she comes back out. I end up hooking up with a stranger, getting drunk to the point of unconsciousness, and wake up confused barley remembering anything.  

This is bringing back so many shitty memories. Why do I do this to myself? I have come so far and out of that time in my life.

It is in the past and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that it stays in the past.  

Harry clears his throat and gains my attention.

“So, do you want to talk about what happened last night?”

What am I going to say to that, should I pretend that I don’t remember it?

“What are you talking about?” I ask trying to act as clueless as possible.