Desire

chapter twenty-nine

"You're not being serious?" He mockingly says, his hurt filled eyes make me feel fucking awful, worse than I did already and I didn't think that was possible, feeling worse.

"I'm serious Harry." I look down at my joined hands, I was gripping them so tight. I hadn't thought of this very much but it has to happen. I cannot be with someone I don't trust it's as simple as that.

"You can't just...... do that."

I cut him off. "You fucking lied to me Harry, lied." I repeat myself. How could I possibly explain just how much he hurt me by lying.

"I did it for your own good, I know how much you hated being reminded of your past and I cared to much to bring it up to you because I hated seeing you hurt."

He couldn't use that against me know, I would have been hurt yes. But not half as much as I am now. If he told me earlier like when we had first started hanging out. This whole situation would have been ignored but now look where we are, stranded. I know this will hurt me, maybe even more than it hurts him but it has to be done.

"Don't use that as an excuse Harry, it's done that's it." He wasn't even looking at me anymore, I didn't want him to though. His eyes made me too vulnerable and I won't be able to do this if they're looking at me.

Again there was no sound in the room apart from our breathes. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, my eyes begin to water. I was wondering how long it would be till I cried, not very long apparently. My eyes remained closed but that didn't stop a few stray tears from escaping my eye, rolling down my cheeks.

I felt bad, I felt hurt, I felt pain. So much fucking pain, my life was full of it. A time after another after another it keeps hitting me no matter what I've tried to do in order to avoid it. It followed me like my own burden, in everything I did, every decision I made. It was there to fuck me up every time something good happened. I don't know why I was so surprised that this happened, of course it would have got ruined somehow. It was only a matter of time.

Now it's come along and I can't help the tears that fall. I deserve to have some closure, even if it is some petti tears.

I'm taken from my thoughts when I feel a cool surface touch my face. My eyes flip open and meet Harrys gaze. His thumbs collecting the tears that gathered on my skin. His gesture and the sad look in his eyes only caused the streaming to continue. "Baby please don't cry, it'll be okay."

His hands move to cup my face carefully in them, the soft and familiar touch calms me, even though I don't want it to.

I look at him, the tears forming in his eyes. I felt so horrible for everything; I wasn't strong enough to deal with all of this. I can only take so much, before I am completely knocked down. His use of words which I have been very used to hearing just got me that much more. I can't have him try to slip back in.

He was the one who got me here and he can't be the one to comfort me out of it. No matter what he does I'm afraid this is it for us, nothing can be done.

My clammy hands are around his, his expression changed from relieved; his glassy eyes had a brighter look to them, his breathe began to settle. He went right back to exhausted all over again when he realised my gesture was for the purpose of removing his hands from my face. Eyes gloomy, breathe rapid.

He shuffles back, viewing me from a slight distance. "Guess that's it then." He was hurt and I was the reason. But so was I and he was the reason.

The sooner we just separate and move on the better for us both.

After what seems like a lifetime of silence he stands up and leans over me. Pressing his lips lightly to my forehead, allow him to do so.

"I love you." He whispers through his lips. I feel some wetness and everything in me just dropped. My stomach, my heart. This all felt so wrong.

With that goodbye Harry storms out of my hospital room without another word. I'm left alone in my room. He'll even in the hospital, how was I supposed to know who Harry told about this.

I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep but a noise awakens me once again.

HARRY POV

Her hands are wrapped around the width of my arm, squeezing tightly as she spoke. Her voice was like music to my ears. What was even better was what she was telling me.

When I asked her about why she was telling me her answer left me thinking. She was so complex and after spending so little time with her she enabled me to know so much about her. "From one stranger to another things are kept quiet." What drunk person projects such meaning to their sentences in such a state. She was amazing me more and more with every word she spoke. Every secret she shared.

She knew nothing of me but that didn't bother her. She felt like she could trust me nonetheless and I didn't know what it was that gave her this sense but I knew too, that it was very true.

We spoke only for a short while but in that time I knew there was something there. More than just two strangers having a drunken discussion.

The things she made me promise had me thinking that she also thought there was something more.

"I need you to promise me some things, that you'll make sure I do these." I take a sip of my drink and nod. She slips her pinky finger beneath mine. Which was out of sight from anyone.

"Promise me we'll meet again and become friends and that you won't leave me."

"Promise me you'll make sure I do adventurous things because life's short and I haven't done a thing."

"Promise me you'll make sure I get some tattoos as beautiful as yours."

"Promise me you'll make sure I fall in love."

I don't know why I felt like I owed these to her but I did anyway. I was the only person she had told any of this to and now she is asking me to make her promises to better herself in the future.

Before she was taken from me I told her the two words she wanted to hear.

"I promise."

I don't break promises and I wasn't about to start. It took me all of two minutes to think of that night and what I said to Eva. I knew now that no matter what she says now. I can't let her down. I can't let this relationship just go away. I can't leave her.

I run through the the hospital corridors back up to Eva's room. On the way countless doctors and nurses scold me for running but I ignore them. My girl needs me.

I arrive at her door and hesitate to open it for a moment. But I do and I see her laying there, helpless and hurt. All because of me.

She opens her eyes and tries to shuffle up. I walk up to her and cradle her face in my hands. I'm surprised when she doesn't try to swat them away.

"One of the promises I made to you is that I'll never leave you. I'll always come back to you, okay? I love you and I'll never leave."

(That may or may not have been the last chapter of Desire, I haven't quite decided yet what I want to do with this story. For now there may be an epilogue up soon and then that will be the end of it. Thank you so much for everyone's continuous support, it means so much!

I will continue to write for those of you who don't already know I'm writing a new story called Faded, which I am extremely excited about and I hope you all to and give the first two chapters a read.

Again thank you, thank you!!

Kisses

C )