last composition // 𝓼𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓷.

page : six

f o r g e t it, erase it,
i'm stumbling like
nothing ever happened
I turn back t i m e, so
that I can't see you,
so I c a n ' t go to you,
so I can't k n o w you.

- without you by cn blue

this is it.

"hoon! what's up? how was your day baby? what do you want to do today? i'm kind of bored now." said soonyoung,  breaking the soothing silence between them.

"well, how about talking about the sweet old times and how much of a meanie you are for turning most of us into cry babies." suggested soonyoung, grinning at him as he took a seat beside the younger.

"look, isn't the weather perfect to hang out together, hm?"

he stare at the clear blue sky, a smile crept on his almost dried up lips and feeling the soft and warm breeze of spring.

he closed his eyes for a minute, feeling the warmth of the breeze but he soon fluttered them back open, turning around to face his boyfriend before smiling at him.

"aren't you bored down there?" he asked, caressing the name of his boyfriend that's engraved in the marble tomb.

《 lee jihoon 》
11.22.1996 - xx.xx.20xx

"those days, just why on earth did we let go of each other? i can't remember the reason, and it hurts so bad." soonyoung breath out, his smile leaving his face.

heaving a deep sigh, he brushed some dust away from the younger's tomb.

"i'm sorry." his voice cracked at the end, his tears choking him."i really am."

it's been a year or two since jihoon had left, but the scar left in everyone's heart remain as new as it used to.

how can he possibly move on if  jihoon had become part of his daily life.

he just can't go on with his life considering that the other had left him. he's all alone.

"hoon, i'm sorry, i'm sorry for being such a coward, i should have never let go."

"i tried to forget about everything but no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't, i want you back, here by my side, i miss you." he said in between sobs.

"if only, if only time could rewind." he continued, barely audible.

"we still haven't made our comeback," he laughed bitterly.

"we're not prepared, the others tried their  keep themselves busy with their schedule to cover up for the accident." he said, as if talking to a person who can heard him.

mingyu had been busy with various photo shoot, many magazines offered a contract with him but the tall guy declined most of the offers and accept only few because he wanted to spend time with wonwoo.

both seungkwan and seokmin were busy in their solo musical careers. seungkwan have also been casted to become an official host for a new variety show.

on the other hand, jeonghan and jisoo were also busy with several photo shoot and few guesting in some popular variety shows.

meanwhile, hansol spend most of his time recording mixtape with popular rappers he managed to befriend in the industry along with seungcheol.

soonyoung, although he tried to be active like the others but soon, he found himself declining most of the offers given to him.

he even declined to judge in a new talent show that's pretty popular nowadays. he even declined doing commercials.

he would reason out that he's busy but he's actually not, he's just not in the mood to.

"my birthday had passed by without you, it was lonely, the guys told me that we better celebrate but i turned them down, i know it was rude to do so, i'm just not in the mood to party." he heaved yet another sigh.

"i just need one thing, and it's for you to be back, pretty impossible, right? i know that i am, i must be crazy to wish for such thing."

"hoon, remember our song? don't wanna cry?" he asked, trying to lift the mood up.

the fact that there's no one to reply breaks his heart.

fuck, he really isn't here anymore.

"coincidentally, that song keeps on ringing inside my head every day, i did not want to cry but i couldn't stop myself, knowing you wouldn't be back anymore."

it sting. the pain in his heart have remained as new as it was.

"remember this part?" he asked, heaving a sigh, he then sang his first part in the song before singing the part of his boyfriend.

tuesday, 09:10
seoul, south korea.

"kwan, you aren't coming?" asked hansol.

"today is hyung's death anniversary." he continued.

shaking his head, seungkwan shift in a new position before wrapping his body with the blanket.

sighing, hansol frowned to himself.

he knows seungkwan can't still get over it, he can't face the composer yet.

he can't accept the fact that his hyung and their unit team leader, died long ago.

"you can go and pay jihoon hyung a visit if you want, we will be going now, i'll be back later."

hansol bid him goodbye before walking out of their shared room and closing the door.

"is he coming with us today?" asked jisoo.

with a frown, hansol shook his head."the usual, no."

jisoo heaved a sigh and exchange worried glances with jeonghan.

"i kind of know how the kid feels, i clearly know, that feeling is too much to handle." jeonghan remarked.

"by the way, where's myungho and junhui hyung?" asked hansol.

"they went outside to grab some bouquet for jihoon, they said that they're in front of the company, waiting for us." replied jisoo.

"is seungcheol hyung with them?" asked hansol.

"probably no, he went to the studio earlier but we can fetch him there and visit jihoon together." replied jeonghan.

"sounds better, how about seokmin then?" asked jisoo.

"speaking of him, i haven't seen him earlier, where on earth is he?" asked jeonghan.

"seokmin, you say? well, he went out early in the morning, he said that he will go and visit jihoon hyung. actually, he said that he kind of want to spend some time alone all by himself." replied hansol.

"by the way, he told me to inform you jisoo hyung that he will come home around five or something." he added with a little shrug.

jisoo hummed in reply, understanding the younger.

"how about chan?" added jisoo.

"i saw him with minghao and jun earlier." answered jeonghan.

"is that so? let's go then, bet they're already waiting for us."