BLACK WIDOW

monochopsist

monochopsist
(adj.)
the subtle, yet persistent feeling of being out of place

•••

"Ask Clint Barton. There is no way in hell someone like us can sit idle all day. And there always someone who will pull us out of solitude."

•••

«Leap with explosion, girls! Your muscles are there for a reason. I'll make you all do weight training before the recital if this is what we look like in strength!» Natalia announced to her small class of 20. «Control your arms. Your arms are what makes this an art and not a sport!»

She watched closely as the the young girls aged 12 to 15 lept and bounded across the studio floor, sweat forming on their youthful faces. Each of them, Natalia learned, were entitled to—and embraced—their own unique personalities and leotards. Natalia never rembered a time where that was accepted.

All the girls of both the Red Room and the Bolshoi were required to dress the same and show no emotion, unless it was required for the perfomance. However, there was always dominance displayed. It didn't matter how controlled anything ever was. Dominance was always on display.

Natalia guessed she would see it in in older girls, and she did. But she was surprised by a newcomer. A girl at the mere age of 12 struck fear into the hearts of all the girls in the sudio. She was a very talented yound girl even though she was a a bit of a bully. Natalia was sure that she would be one who earns a solo performance at the yearly recital. There were other personalities spread around, of course.

There was a 14 year old blonde who was born of a rich family and obviously thought herself above all others. Natalia was classify her as a diva. She would not get a solo. Not good enough. Then there was what they called an senior ballerina. Any girl how had danced three years at the studio. This year there were two. But only one showed realpromise. A 15 year old brunette named Adeline.

She was very talented girl who had been working on ballet for what Natalia sassumed, her entire life. She was a sweet, selfess girl who wanted to help teach and rise others to her level before she would practice on her own.

She and the twelve year old bully could always be found after class going over the solo routines over and over again, doing their best to perfect them. The senior actually practiced the background routines also, truly understanding that wherever she may be put in the recital was not up to her and that she would do her best at any position.

Natalia looked at this in a way that she imagined that she was watching herself and her fellow ballerinas  in the days that she danced at the Bolshoi. She also became dissapppointed when she saw how different she was from her most desirable student, the senior. The senior wasn't dominant like Natalia was. It was different. She was a leader. She inspired those girls. She didn't scare them.

It was the twelve year old that Natalia found herself relating to the most. It was the twelve year old that scared all them. The one that was going to go somewhere with her dancing if she wanted to. She was good. She knew she was good. She was never afraid to show it.

But at this moment Natalia was matured. She was over being the best ballerina. She could never be the best. Not after what she's been through. Not anymore. It didnt make her love it any less. She yearned for somewhere to fit in. Natalia had never fit in to be quite honest.

When she was with Ivan, he always told her she was better. That she was stronger, faster, smater, and more talented. She knew now that he was lying. There will aways be someone the better at something than you are. It was a fact of life.